Importance of Being Earnest…
by Veronica Bell.
Importance of Being Earnest… or at least the importance of using proper table manners as a way to get the date off to a good solid start.
I happened to be in Chicago this weekend for a writers workshop at Second City. While I was there I wanted to play around downtown. Shopping and running around the beach are not occasions where a play date is absolutely necessary but for dinner, I require company.
Its far too depressing to think I would have to eat alone, ordering room service while I am trying to enjoy a new city.
Alas, I chose poorly and was stuck with a bafoon. I was sitting literally across from a neo-paleontological humanoid who wouldn’t use manners even if I cracked his cromagnum sized brain with a cave stick.
Apparently, driving a Maserati gives this phleeb a license to put his foot on the bench of the booth, be a bit arrogant to others, and talk about double D’s being his preferred size but that I would do.
“DO?!”
DO, what you freak?!!
“Check pleez!!!”
He was insulted that I couldn’t understand his words through the half chomped bites of steak in his mouth.
“Huh?!”
“Huh?!”
“Aren’t you listening to me?!”
No, I actually tuned you out after the part about Barbie dolls and the fact that I am now mesmerized by the part of potato that left your mouth at warp speed and lodged itself in between the crevices on the stem of your water goblet.
I am sorry but if you have failed to master the simple task of proper eating habits. I can just assume, if we found ourselves in some sort of shared living arrangement, you would find it with in your comfort zone to speak to me whilst on the lu or try to grab my arse in public.
We don’t do that!!
Nope!!
Nor do we talk with our mouths full!!
..and if you thought I was finished…
OH NO!!!
You would think that it wasn’t necessary to specify in your conversation that smoking Mary Jane while driving me back to the Westin would be another no-no!!
But apparently, again, quite in the comfort zone of this guy!!
In a moment of this type of desperation, a stinky mini-van taxi would have felt like a Bentley.
Disgusted and maybe somewhat stoned, I found a new fondness for room-service. Run a hot tub, order a bottle of wine, put on the stereo, listen to Billy Holiday sing you the blues all the while smiling because you just made it to he** and back without a scratch.
Thank Gah!!
Blondes don’t befriend beasts of burdens!!
About the author:
Veronica is a 30ish writer from Austin, TX. After slaving away as a copywriter for little dough in Advertising in Austin TX, she has decided to move to New York to further her writing career. She would love to write plays and sitcom television.
She has been on and off in the online dating world for a couple of years, never staying on longer than two month a year. She also can meet men anywhere and have a hard time settling down; Her longest relationship lasted a year and a half. She guess she’s am having way too much fun at the moment and if she does settle it will be without children and an older man that will travel around the world with her, behaving naughty.
Veronica’s blog is at blindedbyblonde.com.
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January 7th, 2009 at 2:14 am
Hi I need some advice about a girl. I had a date and we went to a party. She got drunk and passed out. So I put her in my car and drove home. There she was still out cold so I decided to give her a nice place to sleep. I picked her up and took her to my bed. I took her clothes off because someone spilled liquer on them at the party (not the first date). so there she was in her underwear. I covered her in the blankets and went to sleep on my couch. Then the next morning she claimed I got drunk and wanted to rape her. Now she doesn’t talk to me anymore. What should I do
January 9th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
Well, may be you shoul try to ask her friends to help you, with their help you’ll be able to explane the situation to her.
January 10th, 2009 at 3:43 am
Michael– I believed you until the “I took off her clothes because there was booze on them” part. You shouldn’t have done that. If she’s pissed at you, I don’t blame her, Michael. She was passes out drunk-do you think she cared that there was liquor on her clothing?
January 10th, 2009 at 9:48 am
Michael, why would you take someones close off just because some booze was on them? I don’t think they were all covered up in booze and if you don’t know her very very well taking her close off while she was drunk and in your house is a serious reason to be pissed of. (would you like to be a woman and wake up naked in some guys house?)
Anyway, you may want to talk to her and explain the situation. It’s not so hard to explain that you didn’t wanted to rape her (tell her that you didn’t sleep next to her while she was naked and that you slept on the couch, tell her that you tried to help her and carried her to your place so that she doesn’t get hurt… etc).
I wish you luck with the situation you have here.
January 12th, 2009 at 12:33 am
Michael,
As we have your side of the story to go on, I would say you are in a bit of a bind because any accusations of that nature could do some very serious damage to your life regardless of their validity. In America we are all innocent until proven guilty though that is never the case in sexual matters. I suggest you do 2 things (note: I am not a lawyer) 1. Take a pad of paper and document every single detail of the evening that you remember from the time you arrived at this party. Any conversations you had with people. Any conversations you had with the girl in question. Detail your drive home and everything that happened when you got home. Wait a couple of days and go over what you’ve written and, if necessary, add another sheet of any other details you may have missed. 2. Do not attempt to “smooth things over” with the girl. Just tell her the facts, that you thought you were doing the right thing by removing her clothes (which IMHO was a big mistake) and that nothing happened. Repeat this over and over. Do not, under any circumstances, attempt to discuss your motivations for doing such things as any attempt to do so will most likely not be taken seriously. Just make an honest attempt to give her the facts. Go back to your pad of paper and then detail any and all things that happened when you attempted to do so. If she ends up not believing you and presses charges, god forbid, you will be asked to write down everything that happened as I suggested above. However, if you do it now, as opposed to days or weeks from now, you have a better chance of remembering more details including possible important ones that support your alleged innocence.
January 13th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
You’re screwed. Tell it to the judge!
January 16th, 2009 at 4:01 am
Women need to be made drunk. Then you take advantage of them. They appreciate this.
January 20th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
I think she should have thought about this possibility (of being raped) before getting drunk.
After you’re drunk (and you’re a woman too) you can”t go around making accusations, it’s your fault you put yourself in a position where you can’t control what”s happening to you (i presume nobody forced her to drink).
January 21st, 2009 at 5:34 am
As far as the post goes, I can only imagine your pain, Veronica. Men with money can be jerks! Plain and simlple. And as far as Michael is concerned: If someone is drunk do your best to find their friends or family to take care of them…What started as someone trying to help another person out quickly became a situation of alleged rape. Just be more careful with your actions next time and try not to get involed with people who have been drinking too much.
January 23rd, 2009 at 7:50 pm
Def. taking the clothes off was a mistake. I would do like what was previously written. Giver her the facts, leave out the reasons / intentions and let her decide.
February 2nd, 2009 at 8:58 pm
That is so funny. I’ve never seen a guy like that… Well, I have to be honest. Yes, I have seen a couple guys like that. While living in Bangkok, I observed a few farangs (Foreigners) from Australia that had bank. They were snobby and disgusting like that but I just associated it with being on vacation…
Michael
February 10th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Please send me this guy’s details. I’m straight but I’m going to convert Just For Him. What a catch.
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Booze is the number one problem. Do a little 420 and you’ll never wake up naked in someone else’s bed with no recollection of what happened. Alcohol is such a stupid drug–people act like idiots and do really stupid things when they drink–what’s the point? If a woman gets smashed and then does something regrettable or foolish, who’s to blame? I respect ALL the ladies, (and I would NEVER EVER condone rape) but you have to be careful, babes, because most guys are vultures and will nail you if they can, especially if you’re passed out with your panties half on and your breasts akimbo.
March 5th, 2009 at 1:41 am
“Night Chat Says:
January 16th, 2009 at 4:01 am
Women need to be made drunk. Then you take advantage of them. They appreciate this.”
you are just …geeez…you don’t know anything about woman!
March 6th, 2009 at 7:48 am
So funny haha
March 26th, 2009 at 9:17 am
Michael there’s this interesting man named Rod Blagojevich who reminds me of you.
Hypothetically: If you blacked out drunk, and then woke up in a stranger’s house completely naked, you would probably be a bit curious (if not a little disturbed) when you realized that an “acquaintance” removed all of your clothes JUST because that gosh darn stain in your tie would not “Shout” out.
I’m gonna go ahead and settle your court fees to zero by producing the verdict: GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY !!!
May 13th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
nice and good blog thanks for sharring.