It’s Long Over…But He’s Still Around In My Dreams…
by Rori Raye.
I was 12 years older than him, but we didn’t know it. It was a long time ago, and I’ll always think I almost married him - white picket fence and all.
I met him in a computer store, in the early days of computers, when I was an actress writing screenplays, and he made his living pulling the backs off computers and switching the parts around inside before he closed them back up.
On our first date, the chemistry was through the roof, but the conversation was stiff and almost weird, as though we were in two different Universes trying to discover a common language.
At the end of the dinner part of the date, we got into his car, and he leaned in to kiss me. The moment his lips touched mine, it was all over, I was his, he was mine, and only 20 seconds (I think I must have counted) after the separation of our lips, the weirdness crossed my mind and I said “how old are you?” When he told me, I thought I’d die of the weirdness, and when he asked me back and I had to tell the truth, I thought I’d die of embarrassment.
And then he took me home to where he lived with his father and mother (yes, he had a private entrance in the back), we had sex, and for the whole next year there was no weirdness, just his love and devotion and mental brilliance along with a deep sense of impossibility.
I believed that white picket fence was truly just around the corner. He was a genius, I thought, and he’d be in demand as soon as he graduated from college. As it turned out, he was - very much - in demand. But I was gone by then. And not because of the weirdness, and not because he didn’t want the white picket fence with me, too, and not because he was so young. I was gone because it was impossible.
We really were from different Universes, and we never really learned to speak the same language. You can bridge age, you can bridge personalities, you can even bridge timing. I suppose some people can even bridge Universes. What we couldn’t bridge was fear. Mine. The fear that made me push him away..
I still think of him. I wonder where he is and what he’s doing, and who he’s with and how many children he has. and I wonder if in some parallel Universe we’re together, because he’s still in my dreams. He doesn’t haunt them, or hurt me in them. In my dreams, he still loves me, carries me around, kisses me, makes emotional and physical fire with me, and it seems as if he’s always taking me somewhere better than the place I’m in when he enters the dream. So he’s still in my life, somewhere. Impossible, yes, futile, no. Gone, yes, gone forever, no. Everything he was to me and everything he taught me, and everything he brings me in my dreams - I use in the fantastic marriage I have now with my fantastic husband.
Whenever I think of him, I feel in my heart how he once gave me, and continues to give me, a new piece of my ability to move beyond fear and into love with the man I love now. Love is strange and mysterious, and impossible is just a word - so don’t ever give up.
Love, Rori
About the author:
Rori Raye is a relationship coach for women and the author of the book Have The Relationship You Want - in her free weekly advice e-newsletter, Rori teaches her fast Tools to attract a great man, get the lifelong commitment you want, and even save the relationship you’re in right now – the same Tools she created to turn her own twenty-year marriage around. Her blog is at HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com.
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December 11th, 2008 at 4:45 am
Rori,
It fascinates me how human relationships grow and evolve into something the parties involved never imagine possible. I came across your blog by chance, but your story is very intriguing.
So what made the initial “weirdness” wear off? Was it the kiss? What made you go over to his place and connect that way?
You say it was your “fear” that made you drive him away. Fear of what exactly? You being in a relationship with an older men?
You leave me hungry for more. I have been in the dating “industry” for over 10 years now. I love learning about human relationships. Feel free to drop a line if you feel like it. If you are ever in charlotte, may be we can have coffee!
God bless,
Cameron
December 16th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Rori,
Your story was extremely touching. Your expressiveness demonstrates what an incredible connection you had with this other person and I can sympathize and relate to every word.
My only question is your final quote. “Love is strange and mysterious, and impossible is just a word - so don’t ever give up” Why did you give up? Was it inexperience? If you could do it all over again, would you have given up?
-Jesse
December 18th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Rori,
When I was reading your story, it felt like I was reading a part of a romantic book. It’s so fantastic.
Did you had regrets when you left? Though you’re now married to a wonderful man, you still think of him? What will you do if you see again one day?
Anyway, those are just silly questions you don’t have to answer.
Best of luck to you.
Kate
December 25th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Love is strange and mysterious, but simply amazing. Great story, thnx for sharing!
December 29th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
Great story… wonder why you thought it was impossible… I am right now married to a woman who is 6 years my senior… we are both very happy… and very much in love…. you should have stayed and worked it out…
December 30th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Wow Great article.
December 31st, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Age really doesn’t matter, but I’m sure you’ve figured that out by now!
January 1st, 2009 at 9:27 pm
Everything is possible in love.
January 2nd, 2009 at 7:08 am
Although not on the same level as you I still wonder about a few girls now and then even though I’m in a great relationship now, great read.
January 9th, 2009 at 1:22 am
Great post. It’s like a romantic story book I’m falling for it. Age doesn’t really matter for love is LOVE is unconditional.
January 10th, 2009 at 9:55 am
I am sorry it didn’t work for you BUT you should always think of the good moments you had together. People brake up for some stupid reasons and they still keep in their heart the good times. You broke up for a valid reason so you have every right to do the same.
January 20th, 2009 at 4:51 am
I wonder how people enjoy by sharing your experiences. I think it would be great for both of you in suggesting some tips over it.
February 11th, 2009 at 9:52 pm
This reminds me of when I was banging a particle physicist. I had no idea what that crazy broad was babbling about most of the time, but I did eventually figure out not to hold against her when she started ranting about WIMPs.
March 9th, 2009 at 9:36 am
Truly, love exists in unexplainable ways. You actually find your first love on him. Sadly, you do not end up together. At least, you have now a husband so wonderful and you should take God for that.
March 29th, 2009 at 6:04 am
Hi Rori,
Great story. I, too, have a great love that I think about often. It’s a shame that I let him slip away - but I’m hoping that there is someone better out there for me. Your post makes me believe.
All the best!
April 16th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Well thank you for this story, it was really nice to read. I have a question. Would you like to write dating related articles for one of my dating sites freedateclub.com? I really would love for my members to be able to view more stories like this!
May 27th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
Finding the right person can sometimes seem impossible, yet it can happen in the most unexpected of times or places. Your story is very romantic, but the practical outcome is that you found a great person. I too am looking for that person…Romance is nice, but I would settle for some companionship. I have been in the dating scene for a while. Every once in a while, I am pleasantly surprised. I have recently posted my profile in a new site called facestoremember.com. Maybe this one will produce my companion.