So I Dated a Serial Texter…
by Anonymous Girl.
As a 28 year old living in Chicago, I admit that I absolutely use text messaging to communicate with friends, family, and co-workers. For me, texting is great for sending and receiving short messages to and from people I already know. It’s perfect for corresponding with basic questions: where are you, what time are you picking me up, who is this weirdo that is talking to me, how did I get home last night? It’s also ideal for sharing funny moments that aren’t worthy of a full conversation; such as, “You will not believe that hot tranny mess I just saw on Belmont and Halsted.” Believe me; I have been swept up in this texting whirlwind. It wasn’t until recently that I discovered how much texting has slithered its way into the dating world. It seems that out of nowhere, text messaging has somehow become a dating norm. It got me thinking: when did text messaging take over for a good old fashioned relationship?
I recently dated a guy who we’ll call “Mr. Text,” who used text messaging as his primary form of communication. Mr. Text truly lived up to his name: he was aloof, brief, and hard to understand at times.
I should have been suspicious after our first date when he text me immediately afterwards what a great time he had. Unfortunately for me, Mr. Text was also devastatingly good looking. This may be why I ignored all of the serial texter warning signs. When I would call him and leave a voice mail, he would almost always text me back.
Mr. Text also used texting for in-depth conversations about how he was feeling in regards to our relationship. He revealed to me through text after our second date why he was so closed off and guarded. I thought it was odd at first, but his good looks and cute texts kept me coming back for more.
Mr. Text sent me texts constantly for about a month. The messages were either short and distant, or flirty and fun. I played along with it for a while because I didn’t know him very well and it seemed to be the best way to get in touch with him.
After weeks of going on multiple dates, I grew frustrated with how impersonal my relationship with Mr. Text truly was. Everything about our rapport in person felt aloof, closed off, and vague. It was only through the texting that Mr. Text was able to flirt with me and share how much he apparently liked me.
The whole thing felt detached, just like a text message should be. One day, I met Mr. Text after work for drinks and asked him what he wanted out of this relationship. Did he want to keep it casual, or was he looking for more? I honestly couldn’t read his signals, so I needed to hear it in person. He said he didn’t have an answer to my question and left it at that. The next day, I received a text from him stating he needed some time alone to figure out what he wanted. He felt that our face to face time was frustrating and unclear. And just like that, Mr. Text deleted me from his life.
It blows my mind how easily someone like Mr. Text can disconnect themselves from a relationship in two brief sentences. I find it creepy how serial texters hide behind their phones so they don’t have to deal with any real consequences of what they write. It’s truly cowardly. They can type whatever they want and not have to hear any form of rejection, emotions, or awkward responses. Just type, send, and delete, and all of their problems are gone.
Well, “FYI” to Mr. Text and all the serial texters … there is no excuse for using text messaging as a replacement for serious conversations! Significant talks should always be done in person or over the phone. What ever happened to the old fashioned break up phone call? If you have a few “min” to text the person you are dating that you’re just not that into them, then you have a moment to pick up the phone and show them some respect. I’d much rather be rejected by an actual person instead of a tiny screen.
My advice to anyone who is dating a serial texter…abort, abort, abort! We may be living in the age of technology, but common courtesy and good manners don’t need to be deleted from our lives.
About the author: She is originally from Wayne PA, a super WASP suburb of Philadelphia. She moved to Chicago in 1998, and is coming up on her 10 year anniversary in Chi-town. She loves the following things in no particular order: lots of sarcasm, watching The Simpsons, quoting The Simpsons, and anything relating to (you guessed it) The Simpsons. She is currently a graduate student at Loyola University and will be teaching Theatre and English to young minds soon…so watch out!
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August 25th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
i felt guilty laughing about your story…
makes me think about me being kinda message flirter…
regards,
P.
August 25th, 2008 at 11:47 pm
This is amazing. Horrifying, brilliant and timely. Will you please write something again soon?
August 26th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
funny story, i will uploaded this to tall dating site:” Tallmingle.com ” to share with my best friends,especially the hot models.
August 28th, 2008 at 2:25 am
LOLLLLL
lemme guess he was on Twitter da whole Time!!
oh yoy*
;))
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:24 am
Honey, the texting may irritate you but the issue is when he doesn’t respond at all. Then you will know he is disconnected and not interested.
Maybe it’s a midwestern thing. NYers live off text messages.
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:36 pm
Hi,
Very nice blog you have here. Found your blog after searching information for relationships. Thanks for the great info!
Best,
Irene
September 6th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
This is an eye opener for me. I have found myself texting when I should pick up the phone. I may have sabotaged a recent encounter with texting and now it makes sense (See story here http://www.oceanofchoices.com/blogs/entry/I-like-you-but- ). Its really hard not to over use it, but I suppose you should treat it as an add on to your face to face or phone conversations. Not the main line of communication.
Thanks for heads up!
September 9th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Very nice blog entry.
September 13th, 2008 at 5:38 am
hi, the picture at your post is good can i have talkwith her. lol.
great post.
September 15th, 2008 at 8:58 am
I agree with you that texter guy who dated need to be a real gentleman. For some, textting is a way of life even if a lot of things are not expressed like true emotion from facial movements and honesty conveyed by a consistent seet voice .
September 29th, 2008 at 6:07 am
LOL…
I so dated a guy like this before. When we were together, he barely talks but when we’re not together, he texts me every minute or so. And expects me to reply right away! LIke I didn’t have anything else to do but to text him or wait for his texts.
I should have read your article earlier, then maybe I wouldn’t have spent two months dating him.
October 9th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
yeahh a serial texter more spooky that a serial killer
but its fun… and lot’s of curiousity
October 16th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
OMG. Text etiquette=very necessary. Don’t get me started on the text-sex.
October 21st, 2008 at 7:02 am
lmao! Ive always been guilty of being a text flirt..
November 2nd, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Many years ago I got a cell phone of one famous producer and went to “Messaging”.
There was an option of custom template.
One of the TEMPLATE messages was “I LOVE YOU TOO”…
I though then that world is going insane about main things you should not template, Otherwise you’ll be a template of a human one day.
So dating with a persong who text messages like crazy forgetting about who you are is certainly an “abort” situation.
November 3rd, 2008 at 2:47 pm
I am a chronic texter. I found it to be a great way to dirty talk. When all we had were phones, I felt awkward and weird having phone sex. Texting really helped me come out of my shell. But I agree that it shouldn’t replace real conversations.
November 25th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
I agree. Good communication is key to ANY relationship. Nothing is wrong with sending text messages occassionally, but human contact is what builds relationships. Use phones only when you can’t be together.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Nice share. Thx ^_^
December 22nd, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Yikes! I dated the female equivalent of Mr Text for several months. Amazing sex kept me coming back (yeah, I know, but she was smokin’ hot - stupid) but otherwise, every single one of the details you describe above is *dead* *on*.
Wow.
Just wow.
Thanks for your post. It helped clarify several nagging, uncompleted thoughts that have been floating around in my head.
-RM
December 25th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
I fully agree! Serial texters hide behind their phones, and probably for good reason. Technology is a means to an end, but some people don’t have an end in site.
Liza, you’d be perfect for a new site called Calisto100.com. It focuses on quality dating, a list of the top 100 singles in your city! The texters don’t hang out their so much, so it might be a good fit.
January 7th, 2009 at 5:19 am
Sexy texts are kewl, but most guys i know suck at it.
January 11th, 2009 at 2:37 am
Love this! Just got done dating a serial texter.
He had no problem texting crazy emotional stuff, but
when we we’re together it was distant and vague.
Now I know better, it’s good to know I’m not the only
one that dealt with this.
January 31st, 2009 at 9:22 pm
This is almost like you are speaking of my own experience with the first guy I dated after a long term relationship. I went along, as well, not knowing that it was odd. I hadn’t been in the game for so long, I just thought that is how it was now. But the detached behavior in person and the profession of love in text…let’s just say, mirror image.
I posted a link to this article on the entry on my blog about said character.
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Take a look.
February 18th, 2009 at 5:28 am
I must confess. I text all the time. I especially use it to communicate with people I don’t necessarily care for but have to deal with on a daily basis. It gets me off the hook from having to talk to them or possibly get caught up in some social engagement with them. Ahhh I feel better already….
February 27th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
I totally agree that texting is way out of control! I wrote about this as well. You were way more patient than I was