Dating, Online and Otherwise
by Jerry Whiting.
To say that internet dating has changed being single is an understatement. Heck, it’s even changed cheating. One searches the other’s email, text messages, voicemail, IM, MySpace, Facebook, YouTube, Flickr, whatever, and busts them.
Online dating harbors little of the stigma it once did. One is no longer labeled a loser for using the net to hunt/shop/forage. As craigslist has undermined newspaper classifieds and travel sites have dealt a blow to travel agents, online dating sites like match.com, nerve, eHarmony, et al. have unraveled traditional face-to-face dating. Are you ashamed to tell family and friends how you met your latest mate? Speaking of which, how honest are you online when you described yourself? How honest were they?
Ladies, if you’re going to use craigslist to shop for a man (or any other dating site for that matter), please take a moment to read my advice for women and craigslist. Being a free country, you’re free to ignore part or all of what I have to say. Otherwise you may find yourself guilty of these known craigslist sins. You may, just may, find that heeding some of my suggestions will aid in your search for Mr. Right (or Mr. Wrong if that’s your kink. See “samsara”.)
Women and men are different. Feminism and PC aside, never underestimate social inertia coupled with evolutionary hardwiring. Equal protection and equal rights, but not equivalent. Not even close. That’s the nature of the alchemy. That which is behind what is commonly called “chemistry”.
Never confuse great sex with true love. Cherish the times when they do overlap. But don’t be blind to whichever one is before you. Misidentification has its price. On of the joys of being older is sex is no longer about procreation. It’s decoupled from making babies. In fact, for many of us our babies are babies any more. BTW, non-menstruating women are great! Why? Because you’re dealing with only one personality not 28 cyclical ones. You stand a chance of knowing who you’re dealing with; today, tomorrow, and next week.
We all have baggage. Compatability can be defined as a matching set. We’re often cobblers for each other. All said and done, in my experience, most people want family, however that’s defined. This too is hardwired in.
One of online dating’s shortcomings is the ease with which connections are made and broken. A shallowness can seep into one’s online life because the anonymity of one’s online persona allows for behavior one would admit was rude and somewhat callous in person. The social checks and balances are missing without face to face contact coupled with personal identification. Be nice, play fair, and don’t hurt anyone.
Alas alack. It appears that the balance of power still rests with women, online and off. I’m always shocked when I hear women talk about the flood of rsponses they get. The inverse of a man’s experience I’m afraid.
About the author: Jerry is currently living in Seattle and considers himself a “nerd”. He is a Rust Rust Belt Baby, born and raised in Cleveland, which explains much of his attitude problem. His laugh often precedes him. He also has a personal blog on www.jetcityorange.com.
Popularity: 5% [?]
June 19th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
I always laugh when I hear about people seeking the love of their lives on Craigslist. As online dating as evolved over the years there’s an abundance of choices. It seems like Craigslist specializes in one type. the quick fling.
June 20th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Online dating sure has changed, going from an embarrassing little secret you weren’t sure whether you should tell your friends about to a huge industry full of services, products and niches. You’ve got senior dating, gay dating, professional dating, Jewish dating, tennis player dating, hook up dating…. you name it! No stigma really anymore, a friend of mine who is still single into her mid-30’s now gets ALL of her dates from online. Whatever helps you find someone that makes you happy is fine with me.
June 22nd, 2008 at 3:15 am
More and more people are using the online service to ‘hook-up’. Whatever happened to real dating? Hmm.
June 22nd, 2008 at 4:21 pm
I like your writing style. Hope to learn from you!!!
June 27th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
I think Craigslist is a dangerous place to find any date. Careful extremely careful. It scares me when I go check out some of the stuff there. And I love the article here. Very catchy:)
June 28th, 2008 at 7:30 am
I like your articles here. Very interesting read.
July 1st, 2008 at 2:27 am
well, online dating is just a better way to find dates or find your soul mate. instead of meeting strangers face to face, you get your chance to meet someone online. then if you get turned down, you won’t feel bad.
July 4th, 2008 at 3:54 am
Hey, don’t knock online dating, folks. I met my husband through a man I met on Lavalife…..
You have to work on weeding out the bad ones because they are still going to be around no matter if you meet them online or through a friend.
July 8th, 2008 at 8:16 am
nice posts! very much helpful! actually i still haven’t found any destiny online yet..keep posting! hope you could drop by and comment on my blog too! more power!
July 15th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Craigslist is the WORST.
Women submit the WORST personal ads on this blog.
DO NOT visit the site if you’re faint-hearted. No porn or nudity, but this blog will show you how clueless men are about trying to get dates with women. NSFW!
Comical and terrifying. You’ve been warned!
July 29th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
You asked the question:
“Speaking of which, how honest are you online when you described yourself? How honest were they?”
The answer is that people DON’T tell the truth online. Why should they? You only find out about people by meeting in person. This “getting to know the REAL YOU first” stuff is a bunch of crap.
I work for a OFFLINE dating service called Eight at Eight Dinner Club, and we have chapters in Atlanta, Chicago, Dallas, Denver, New York, and Washington DC. 4 girls and 4 guys go out to dinner and we match you up based on your preferences. You buy a package of 5 dinners, so you meet 20 prospects over the course of your membership.
Yeah, it costs money, but you’ll get more out of it than wasting time, money, and energy on online dating services where everyone misrepresents themselves. You have to ask yourself what do you value you more, your time or your money??
Check us out at www.8at8.com
August 1st, 2008 at 4:32 pm
I agree that relationships can be challenging. In fact, I’ve tried pretty much everything.
August 3rd, 2008 at 3:38 am
Online dating has its pro’s and con’s. I have learned though that if you talk with someone long enough through IM and/or email, if they are lieing, they will slip up. If someone is insistant on meeting quickly after we first start talking online, I will send them on their way also.
August 7th, 2008 at 1:28 am
I agree that relationships can be challenging. In fact, I’ve tried pretty much everything. I was looking at the wrong type for me.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
I think online dating sites are just a tool for communication, same as telephones. Its not the be all and end all of dating.
August 21st, 2008 at 1:50 pm
i want to chat with alady
October 10th, 2008 at 5:29 am
Internet dating has been great for the industry. It has warmed an entire generation of users to the prospect of getting help in dating and paying for that help.
October 18th, 2008 at 9:50 am
Online dating has changed really…but so has also changed the fear of meeting someone with his faked profile…I dont consider safe meeting at all guys from facebook, Myspace etc…I rely more on meeting selected people directly…you know what I mean? something like Bluepont is also safe and maintains privacy…I installed it on my cell phone and have been getting good results …privacy for me is most important…I dont want to meet a 23 year guy (online) who turns out to be 45 year old man!!!
November 17th, 2008 at 2:53 am
I like your articles here. Very interesting read.
December 2nd, 2008 at 5:44 am
I have tried online dating too. Really it seems to me that people online are looking for dating porcess, they are not interested in finding the one. internet really opened endless possibilities of meeting new people and i think it’s easy to get addicted to online dating. i find it hard to keep romance alive for a long time. and i am sure it is not just me, life is moving fast and we are all searching for bigger and better. just read a good article at http://www.spiceupromance.info and got some good ideas. will try to change my dating life!
December 15th, 2008 at 5:55 am
just read somewhere online that actually now with teh way economy is dating website attract a lot more people, pretty interesting
February 12th, 2009 at 11:12 pm
Love is for suckers. People are too complicated to ever find someone who is a perfect match. Those 50 year+ marriages you see? Those people are settling.
Separate out the love from the sex. Online dating is BRILLIANT for anonymous sex.