Two Surefire Ways How To Dump A Girl In A Restaurant, Fast!
by Tina “Knowledgeable” Peden.
Hey guys, did you ever take a date out to a restaurant and an hour later you knew that the girl was not for you so you decide to do the gentlemanly thing and dump her and dump her ass fast but you were stumped on how to do it?
Guys relax, because help is here! I’m gonna’ tell you two surefire ways how to dump a girl in a restaurant, fast!
SUREFIRE WAY NUMBER 1:
Guys, excuse yourself and go to the women’s restroom and buy a sanitary napkin from the dispenser. Guys relax, if any women in the restroom object to you being in there simply tell them that you are not a pervert, tell them you are a nice heterosexual man buying a sanitary napkin for himself for his birthday.
No woman can object to that!
But just in case, guys be sure to get the hell out of there as fast as you can before they call the police!
Next, go to the men’s restroom and slowly take off the strip of paper covering the adhesive strip of the sanitary napkin then stick the sanitary napkin onto the back of your shoe. Guys you might also want to stick a few sheets of toilet paper onto the sanitary napkin just to make the sanitary napkin look more pretty.
After you’re finished, exit the men’s restroom. Guys, as you approach your table start yelling, “Look at the sanitary napkin on my shoe! Look at the sanitary napkin on my shoe! Look at the sanitary napkin on my shoe!” Guys by the time you sit back down at your table your date will be gone! Eazy breezy!
But guys, if that method doesn’t work then try the granddaddy of girl dumping, surefire way number 1.
SUREFIRE WAY NUMBER 2:
Guys, again excuse yourselves from the table and sneak out of the restaurant and go to the nearest store that you can find and buy a tube of Vaseline Petroleum Jelly, a mirrored compact, a Melissa Manchester 8-track tape and a portable 8-track tape player. Trust me guys you’ll have no problem finding these items!
After buying the items hurry back to the restaurant. Guys, if your date asks you what’s in the bag, tell her it’s a surprise. Guys, after eating your meal take the items out of the bag and put them onto the table. Open the mirrored compact and apply an excessive amount of Vaseline Petroleum Jelly onto your lips. Guys while you are primping in the mirror pop the Melissa Manchester tape into the 8-track player. Once the song, “Don’t Cry Out Loud” begins to play, sing the lyrics of the song as loud as you possibly can especially the chorus. Just in case you don’t know the chorus of “Don’t Cry Out Loud” by heart, and you really should, I have included it below.
“Don’t cry out loud”
“Just keep it inside”
“Learn how to hide your feelings”
“Fly high and proud”
“And if you should fall”
“Remember you almost had it all”
Guys, while the song is still playing, set the mirrored compact and Vaseline onto the table, get up, take your date in your arms and start dancing with her. Next, plant a big greasy kiss onto her startled lips and continue singing as loud as you can.
Guys, once your date starts screaming for help, release her and watch her haul ass to the nearest exit. Guys, before you leave the restaurant be sure to order a glass of champagne to celebrate a girl dumping job well done!”
About the author: Tina is single, 37 years old, and currently lives in New Haven, Connecticut. She has been writing for over 17 years and still haven’t met Denzel Washington, dammit! Her mantra is…Have fun before you die or become homeless! SHe also has a blog on http://gaywaycafe.wordpress.com
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May 25th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
This is cool. I think the fastest way to tell the girl if she is willing to have threesome because this is what you are looking for. Before you do that, get ready a napkin and you might probably get water splash on your face. She will fleet in seconds.
May 26th, 2008 at 2:59 am
Thanks for sharing the different ways on how to dump a girl. Cool tip # 1. I’m pretty sure that your date will disappear and get exhausted. ;))
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:48 am
Hahaha thats so mean!
June 3rd, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Or you could say ” This is so kind of you to date me, my careworker’s so pleased, can you see him, he’s sitting at the next table “
June 4th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
Well, the ideas would function if any man would have the courage to actually put them in action. But I doubt any man would become the laughing-stock of the restaurant/town just to get rid of a bad date. From experience I know man have a very big ego and wouldn’t do anything that could harm their reputation.
It would be easier to text message his best mate and ask him to call and say he’s got an emergency (like a friend of mine did, after only 20 minutes of blind date gone bad:D)! And it worked just fine, without embarassment or complications.
June 11th, 2008 at 3:35 am
lol….. Come on. Does this really work? lol. too funny and mean. I am quite sure there are other ways to dump a woman or man too. Don’t try this at home. lol…
June 12th, 2008 at 2:56 am
well, this is pretty evil =-/ I wouldnt want to be dumped like that
June 12th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
SUREFIRE WAY NUMBER 2 is funny..but i think it will be effective…
June 16th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
LOL…funny stuff. But how about just saying that you have to leave without BSing around the issue. The effect is the same.
June 20th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Nice tips with little bit of humor, will give it a try someday.
June 22nd, 2008 at 3:05 am
haha..this is a nice one., funny
June 22nd, 2008 at 10:31 pm
Great - I laughed all the way through.
July 10th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Haha, this is funny. I might use these tips in the future.
July 12th, 2008 at 1:56 am
I think this entry is a waste of time. Why not just be honest? It’s not funny. It’s ridiculous and stupid.
July 16th, 2008 at 9:31 am
I have to agree with Wildcat!
August 18th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
This is funny girl but I have to admit that this is a little bit rude done by a guy to his date. Why not to be honest and tell the girl than putting her in shame.