The “Dealbreaker”
by Katy Franklin.
Every girl has her own little hang-ups about a guy that drive her crazy. Whether you’re out on a first date with someone, have been dating him casually for quite some time, or have been in a long-term relationship with a man, these little annoyances can become “Dealbreakers” or “DB’s,” as my friends and I so lovingly refer to them. Some are not so bad, while others can be totally devastating to a first date, or a committed relationship. So I thought long and hard and came up with a list of things I would consider “Dealbreakers” for myself. I also polled some girlfriends to get some second opinions and fresh ideas. The following are 50 serious Dealbreakers…guys, you may want to take notes…
He shows up to your first date wearing stonewashed, tapered jeans, fashionable circa 1980
He has braces
He lives with his mom
He doesn’t have a job
He talks about his ex-girlfriend all the time
He orders off the menu for you without asking
He never shuts up about cars/his car
He doesn’t have a car-Yikes!
He hits on other women while on your date
He hits on other men while on your date-this is a bad sign
-Thankfully, this one guy I dated did not hit on other men while we were out, but he definitely hit on other women. I shouldn’t have been so surprised though…I met him in line to get in to a club and he was with a date then, and still hit on me! I decided to go out with him the next weekend though, mainly because he was hot. Sure enough, we went to another club together and he managed to get a couple of other girls numbers that night. Definitely a “DB” for me. Most likely one for the girl he was with when he hit on me, as well. Whoops! ?
On your first date, he takes you to one of those restaurants where there are tv’s everywhere, and he’s more interested in whatever is on, than you.
He takes phone calls during dinner out with you
You go back to his place of residence and it looks like a frat house
You go back to his place of residence and it IS a frat house
You take your date to an Asian restaurant and he doesn’t know how to use chopsticks
He’s mean to people in the service industry, such as valet attendants, servers, busboys, etc…
-My sister dated a guy for awhile, and one time they got into a cab in New York City. The cab driver must have done something to make her date mad, but he totally flew off the handle and started cussing at the driver, and seriously overreacting. He had total road rage in the backseat of that cab. My sister said she saw who he really was that night, and didn’t like it one bit; she was so turned off. She finished the date in a hurry, and never called him again.
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He wears a wife-beater on your first date…make that any date |
-I had a friend whose boyfriend had his mother call her so he could break up with her-no joke. This is a BIG “DB”
He doesn’t tell you that you look nice when you do…or doesn’t bother to lie when you don’t
He only eats at five star restaurants, or he only eats at Taco Bell
He doesn’t let you sleep on the inside of the bed by the wall when you sleep over
He doesn’t offer to carry heavy things for you
He makes untoward comments about anyone’s race, religion or sexual orientation
He refuses to watch Grey’s Anatomy, Gossip Girl or Desperate Housewives with you…once
He’s a bad kisser
He refuses to stop and ask for directions when lost
He tries to fix things around your house when he should have just called someone in the first place
He lies about…anything
He lives in a trailer
He talks about you meeting his parents and moving in with him…on the second date
He lies about his age, and ends up being older than your dad or younger than your little brother
He spends more time looking in the mirror than you do
He’s about to turn 30 but hasn’t had a real, live girlfriend since High School
He has Herpes medication in his bathroom cabinet
He speaks a different language than you do
And finally,
He’s illiterate, and therefore cannot read this article to know what the hell not to do.
About the author: Katy is an aspiring writer who just moved to LA from New York City. She used to work in the entertainment industry, but is now trying to figure out her life and what her next step may be! She loves movies, reading, writing and taco bell, and is enjoying getting to know LA.
Popularity: 15% [?]
February 9th, 2008 at 12:54 am
Hey Katy,
Interesting piece, I would think guys in LA and NYC are sophisticated enough not to do most of these things, even though I will admit the list is somewhat humorous and entertaining. So yeah I pretty much agree with the whole thing. You and your girlfriends are pretty experienced daters.
February 9th, 2008 at 8:07 am
As a guy, I read the list to make sure that I don’t do anything on there that might be offensive or a “DB” to a nice lady that I am interested in. The only one that bothered me is the “he is shorter than you.” Everything else on the list is something a guy can control, and are habits that we can keep tabs on to make sure we’re not being offensive. But, height?! Not too much a guy can do about that; would you really not go out with a great guy, just because of his height? That’s pretty bad…
February 10th, 2008 at 1:22 am
Katy,
This is brilliant! I sincerely hope I haven’t come to skating in deal breaking territory. haha You women can be pretty harsh.
Anyway, NYC misses you. This was a great read.
marquesdpu9
February 10th, 2008 at 3:54 am
What about unapologetic, heavy cursing? I hate when guys don’t even TRY not to curse around me…And I guess that not tipping falls in line with “being mean to people in the service industry”…and excessive sweating…YUCK!
Is it really a “DB” if he can’t use chopsticks? I’d easily give a guy some slack on that one…
Oh, one more…unapologetic, excessive LATENESS!!! That goes along with “not calling when he says he will”, but also not showing up where/when he says he will without even a phone call or a text! Gentlemen, respect us and our time.
Great list, Katy
February 10th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Hey Katy,
Hey! Your list was amusing! Great job! I’ll have to think of some Dealbreakers for me as well!
February 10th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
From Atlanta:
Great read ! Agree with most but give him a break on chopsticks — I can’t handle chopsticks either. Most of this conduct by a guy will mean he is a real tool !
February 10th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
DB’s. Haha love it. I know exactly what you mean.
February 10th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
I need to text less often - haha! Great article.
February 11th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Um, I have some dealbreakers I encountered along the way–having a life goal of living in an RV and traveling around the country to watch football games, for example. That put the X on one guy for me!
February 11th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Fabulous! Unfortunately I have experienced a handful of these DB’s. But at least now you have validated my feelings toward them. As far as the cab driver experience, you can also note that I heard your sister and her “DB Date” were in fact THROWN OUT OF THE CAB because of her date’s behavior. Not ok.
I love your take on dating - I hope you have more articles on the way.
February 11th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Katy~
Great Article! There are way too many DB’s to list everyone. haha And I totally agree with you. I wouldn’t date a guy shorter than me.
February 11th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
Kettle Corn!
February 11th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
Heh. Good article, Katy! Love it.
Except the not speaking the same language. That’s not a dealbreaker for a quick, sexy fling, is it?
February 12th, 2008 at 3:57 am
Great start on the DB’s!! Very funny.
I’ll generally give a guy a chance as long as he doesn’t have:
1) Small Hands
2) Bad Shoes
3) Man Boobs
4) A tongue that goes all the way down my throat when he kisses me.
5) An obsession with watching sports on TV.
And I agree with you whole heartedly on the trailer thing. Total DB. I don’t care if it grants him the freedom to live wherever he wants. Gross.
February 12th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Ha! I loved the article! I totally agree with the DB about when guys talk about their ex-girlfriends during a date! How annoying!
February 12th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Very good. I wonder if there is a similar one about women?
February 12th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
As always, I really enjoyed your writing, but — I prefer to accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative…. don’t mess with Mr. In-between. I’d like your NEXT article to be the dealMAKERS.
February 12th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
what kind of cunt are you? If he is shorter than you?
I’ve dated plenty of women taller than myself and haven’t heard a single complaint. Fucking nazi.
February 12th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
First of all I just want to make one thing clear. Guys have DB’s as well. One of them is being an unattractive red head with a height complex.
What kind of cunt are you?
I am not ashamed to say that I’m shorter than the average guy. I’ve dated plenty of women with a height advantage over me, and have never heard a complaint. Get over yourself, your a lousy human being and it’s too bad you think the way you do. Open your mind.
February 13th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
I have a friend who made a list of things she would not tolerate, and at the top of it was “grey socks.” I have no idea why grey socks were that much of a deal breaker for her, but to each her own.
February 13th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
I love talking about DBs. I have a few…
1.) Bad teeth
2.) Gross eaters
3.) Gum smackers
I guess I have an unnatural obsession with the mouth.
Anyway, your list was hit a lot of valid db. My favorite is her shows up to a first date wearing a wife beater or he wears one at all. haha. I loved it. I love everything you post and I can’t wait for more articles from you.
February 13th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Hey you,
Quite the funny little list ya got there. Thankfully I only break the no car one (and I live in the west village so I think I get a pass on that one.
Glad to hear your doing well out in big bad CA. Keep it up.
February 13th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
A woman with a penis…that’s a deal breaker for me every time it happens, which in San Francisco, is quite often. Ouch!
February 14th, 2008 at 12:00 am
Very inspiring article, this is so very true of men. Are there any New York men out there who ask a girl out over the phone anymore or in person? Rather then text..! I hate it. I’m considering only giving my land line home number out to someone, so they will not text me. I believe it is just an ego boost for men, to keep having texts from girls. Don’t take second best girls when dating - wait for the one, who is going to treat you with respect.
February 14th, 2008 at 5:45 am
I think an article about dealMAKERS may just be a great idea, and grey socks as a dealbreaker is a little random, but as you said, to each her own.
Btw the dealbreakers mentioned in this article do not necessarily reflect on any one person’s hangups about another person. They were compiled by more than 10 women, and was really meant to be all in good fun. It was not to be taken seriously at all.
February 14th, 2008 at 10:23 am
Like Amber said to each their own. Every man or woman has their own personal dealbreakers and if dating someone shorter than you is one, then so be it. This may be presumptuous of me, but I am going to speak for the female race and say that a dealbreaker at the top of the list would be any man that calls a woman a CUNT. You call the author, Katy, a “fucking nazi” but you are the one throwing around derogatory names like you are Hitler. You may be as short as Napoleon, but you don’t have to act like him. Let me ask you, are you still single? I am guessing that you are. You may want to ask yourself why? On the off chance that you do have a mate, I hope that they read this and dump your short ass.
February 15th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Kissing is very important. A friend of mine once met a guy who was a poor kisser (according to her words), but she managed to teach him, and in summer they are having a wedding. Woohoo!
Don’t give up easily! Everything needs effort, especially relationship!
February 15th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
hey can’t we all get along? let’s face it, we ALL have DB’s. interesting: the only angry responses to this were guys who are short - don’t forget to a lot of women dynamite come in small packages, so CHILL, and don’t take it personal, cuz it makes you look very insecure.
LOVE this and all your articles Katy girl!!
February 15th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
You shouldn’t be too hard on a guy if he hits on other girls while on a date with you. He’s just thinking ahead, as in ‘In case things don’t pan out between us’. It doesn’t mean he’s not into your shit necessarily. Plus he’s doing you a favor by showing you that you’re not the only piece of ass around…and you’re not…
In Chicago it’s impractical to have a car unless you have a garage or parking space. Without parking anywhere, outrageous gas prices, and having to pay for a parking spot you’re essentially working to have a friggin car. Get used to cabbies ladies.
You’d prob wanna add:
He’s racist
Lying about penis size
Lying about assets/wealth
Lying about colon or pancreatic cancer in order to get you to sleep with him
Farts in Church
Is more ’sensitive’ than you are
Doesn’t take care of you when you’re sick
February 16th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
Come on now, shorter than you, really? A guy has control over everything on that list except his height (assuming having a guy walk everywhere on stilts would also be a deal breaker). Am I doomed because of my height?
February 18th, 2008 at 5:06 am
Height isn’t an issue.
February 20th, 2008 at 3:44 am
I went on a date with a guy who wouldn’t eat carbs. I’m a girl, I can refuse to eat carbs. But what kind of guy can’t even have the bread basket on the table? One with an eating disorder? Or one who wants to wear a dress? It had to be one or the other. I mean, what if I wanted to eat bread? But he had to refuse it immediately. And then he immediately said “no” to the waiter when he asked about dessert. I didn’t want dessert anyhow, but I like to be asked.
Real men eat carbs. They have some kind of manly activity planned the next day like sports, weight lifting or beating drums in the wilderness that will burn oiff their carbs. Even if they don’t, we’d like to think they do so for god’s sake eat carbs on a date!
February 26th, 2008 at 11:07 am
Me and my cousins/aunts are fairly tall, so if we had some kind of ‘no shorter guys’ rule, half of us wouldn’t have married the great guys we did. My husband is 5′ 10″, and when we’re bare-footed, I’m a tad taller.
Perhaps your rule is because you’re not very tall?
I also found it quite interesting that you didn’t mention a criminal record, or being in deep debt. Well at least you draw the line at ‘not being able to use chopsticks’.
February 28th, 2008 at 9:43 am
It’s true except the “shorter than you rule”, I’m 5′8″ and I’ve dated women up to 6′ and we had a great time. How some might ask, easy it’s the same way I’ve been asked out by women. I act or am a “Gentleman”, I open doors for women, help when they are struggling with heavy loads or drop something, using “Yes Mam and Thank You Mam” (Marine Training). I have even given up my seat to an elderly woman on a crowded BART train, and if guys don’t think that scores points with the surrounding women, then you’ve missed the boat.
On a date, I focus on her and no one else, here’s a tip “LOOK AT HER EYES” when talking to her. Don’t talk about yourself more than 5 minutes, but ask about her and her day.
How did I learn these simple rules, well my good up bringing with 6 sisters, James Bond, Humphrey Bogart and Cary Grant movies.
Being a Gentleman doesn’t mean your less a man, but more of one and a man they will remember into there “Golden Age”.
March 4th, 2008 at 11:15 am
iam a meber of the 15minutedate i like it, so i want to be a firend to katy franklin? i like her, she is beautful so thanks.
April 1st, 2008 at 10:21 pm
I am a woman, 5′10″ and have dated guys shorter than I. However, Anonymous and Adam, the “C” word is a definate DB for me, and that’s the long and short of it!
April 3rd, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Wow, that is by far the longest list of DON’Ts for boyfriends that I’ve ever seen. Kudos!
April 21st, 2008 at 1:52 pm
A woman using this list is going to throw out the baby with the bath.
This will probably save a real baby from the same fate.
On the flip side, women using lists like this are surely easy prey for men with the most basic skills in camouflage.
Maxim: people are no smarter than the characters in the movies they watch.
May 5th, 2008 at 1:41 am
How about terrible table manners i.e. doesn’t put his napkin on his lap when he sits down at the table and doesn’t break his bread.
June 29th, 2008 at 2:23 am
Are you talking about a mobile home or a trailer you go camping in? I live in a mobile home and it is a very nice three bedroom, two bath place that is nicer larger then some homes.
July 4th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
I enjoyed your light-hearted insights, and all the more because you had compared notes with other women. Way to burn bright.
July 13th, 2008 at 10:42 am
So I guess you’d turn down a date with Matthew McConaughey because he’s got a thing for Airstream trailers? Chica, don’t be a trailer-hater!
July 17th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
last guy i dated sh*t his pants after a movie, the house smelled to high heaven, but i was like, ok it can happen to anyone, he took the jeans off, washed them and put them in the tub,i kid you not, fast forward 3 month later he breaks up with me, go figure
July 20th, 2008 at 8:44 am
I was gonna say that your standards sound a little too high, if you would break up with a man just for minor complaints listed above… but then I read Nadine’s story and, honestly, maybe standards are a good thing.