Online Dating Profiles: A couple paragraphs that can change your life
by Ed Attanasio
Because I am a writer, many of my friends ask me all the time to write their online profiles to post on dating web sites. I always feel like it’s a big commitment — kind of like writing someone’s resume or biography. There’s a lot at stake and the pressure to write something really good about someone can be very exhausting, because many of my friends are highly dysfunctional. How do you effectively describe the essence of a human being in just a few paragraphs? Without lying or opening yourself up to a civil suit?
I must admit, I have gotten pretty adept at it over the years. The secret to writing a great profile is to emphasize the good things about people while minimizing their shortcomings. Stretching the truth slightly is no crime and many people do it.
No matter how bad or messed up some people are, you can usually find something positive to write about them. They say that Attila the Hun was really nice to his elephants (“loves animals”). Hitler was a vegetarian (“healthy and fit”). And legend has it that Genghis Khan took really good care of his fu manchu (“well-groomed”).
In case you didn’t know it, the standard dating profile is supposed to be 200-300 words in length – 150-200 words about you and 50-100 words describing the type of person you’re looking for. It’s a short story, essentially. Think of it as haiku rather than War and Peace or Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary. Many people make the mistake of being too long-winded – less information is more.
We don’t need you to list every movie you’ve ever seen or every CD you’ve ever listened to. The main objective of your online profile should be to effectively convey your character, feelings and emotions using as few words as possible. Give us Ernest Hemingway, not William Shakespeare. Think Readers Digest, not National Geographic.
Over the years, I have learned all of the do’s and don’ts associated with online dating profiles. One of the great advantages of writing a profile is that you can make yourself out to be literally anyone you want to be. You have an opportunity to re-invent yourself – like being the new kid in school. If you want to be the cool, distant, artistic type, you can. If you want to be the militant, revolutionary idealist, go ahead and be it. Your profile is a canvas on which you can re-create yourself — to be whoever you want to be or ever wished you were.
Most people are looking for someone who is an admirable, compassionate and idyllic hero or heroine. The reason for this is quite simple – everyone wants to think that they’re a wonderful, caring individual worthy of respect. And they want someone who mirrors themselves. In many cases, they come up way short. But, in other instances, they may come pretty close. So, go ahead – make yourself look tremendous. If you’re not the complete package – so what, very few people are. You can always strive to be better, right?
Everyone has a flaw or two – that’s what makes us human. In order to be believable, you should include at least one flaw – otherwise people will think that your profile is pure fiction. One person may be a great lover, a generous soul and a super dancer. On the other hand, they have occasional bad breath, snore loudly and get cranky in the morning. Another individual is fantastic with children, a great conversationalist and a decent cook, but is having a perpetually bad hair day and watches too much reality television.
Life is a series of trade-offs – what you have to do is determine what’s important to you and what you can put up with in a mate. To me, for example, bad breath isn’t a deal breaker, because gum and mouthwash exist and are easily obtained. Plus, I don’t have a very acute sense of smell. My mate had better be a good cook, because food is a major deal with me (see photo for verification). Also, the person I am with has to be able to talk intelligently about things that interest me. She needs to be up on current events.
Airheads, regardless of how physically attractive they may be, don’t have a chance with me. One time I was playing a trivia board game with one of my exes, and when the question, “When does a woman first start to show that she’s pregnant?” came up, she replied, “August.” I knew right then and there that the relationship was over. One time another gal I was dating (who was quite a bit younger than me) saw a poster of the Beatles on my bedroom wall. She exclaimed, “Who are those three guys with Paul McCartney?” She too, was quickly history.
Here are a few more tips on what to put into your online dating profile:
Religion is important to a lot of people. If it’s important to you, put it in your profile. Otherwise, avoid the subject like the plague. My first girlfriend in high school thought religion was a major deal and we prayed a lot. She prayed about going to heaven and I prayed about getting laid.
Don’t mention politics in your profile. Unless you want to date someone like Ann Coulter or Bill O’Reilly. Otherwise you’ll find yourself carrying signs at protests and even possibly getting arrested at Anti-War, Pro-Choice and/or Pro-Life rallies every weekend. (depending on your stance on the issue) Not a very romantic setting, to say the least. Getting to know each other in a jail cell is not recommended.
When you’re writing about your preferences in a dating partner, don’t present too many restrictions. I read one profile recently where a woman wrote that she was looking for a guy who had “No mustaches, no beards or excess body hair. No tall guys, no smokers, no drinkers, no fake tans, and must be a virgin.” Wow! What’s left out there? This woman is going to find herself dating a hairless dwarf albino priest. And unless you live in the Himalayas, there’s a shortage of those on the market.
Other tips:
- Be sincere and honest (“All charges were eventually dropped.”)
- Tell only tasteful jokes (Stay away from naughty limericks and “knock knock” jokes)
- Figure out what makes you different from everyone else (“I can lick my eyebrows and know all the words to ‘Chocolate Rain.’)
- Stay away from generic adjectives (“cuddly”; “schizophrenic”) and focus more on proper nouns (“Dungeon Keeper”; “Puppet Master”) and story-telling (“One time at Band Camp…”)
- Stay positive and confident. Be proud of what you are (“I keep my KKK hood spotless and only burn environmentally safe wooden crosses.”)
Hopefully these tips will help you write an interesting, entertaining and effective online dating profile that will attract the kind of person you want to meet. Many of the folks that I have written dating profiles for found good mates and some even ending up marrying them. It just goes to show you – words CAN get you the right date. And after that, you’re on your own!
About the author: Ed is a 48-year old former standup comic, freelance writer/journalist who likes to blow bubbles and kiss his dogs. Some people have serious problems with that, but does he care? He enjoys his life living in San Francisco and appreciates what he has — a fabulous fiancee, two great mutts, a dedicated shrink and really good prescription medication.
For more of his insane rantings, visit his blog, “Life on the Edge” at: www.edattanasio.blogspot.com
Popularity: 18% [?]
January 4th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Loved your article on dating although I am happily married and have been for 37 years to the same person. If I were to date I won’t want anybody to write my information. I know more about me then anyone else does.
I am sure I am the only one to write about me.
January 4th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
You hit it out of the park once again, Ed. This is funny and informative!
January 5th, 2008 at 7:28 am
hmmm….you’re being naive Mr. Ed if you think that just by writing the right paragraphs a person will “attract” dates. Because 95% of the people checking out dating profiles look at the photo first. Actually most of them ignore the profiles without a photo, so if you lokk as hell or close to it, no matter what you write in there will helt. And besides, I don’t think anyone actually believe what’s written in a profile, because they are all so general and say the same thing (most girls love dancing, reading, listening to music, long walks, a caring man/with loads of money if possible, especially if the girl is YOUNG:P). So… getting to meet face to face mainly depends on how good you look on the PROFILE PHOTO, not on what it writes in the profile.
A friend of mine (man) met a girl on a dating site, chatted on messenger and on the phone for a month or so, exchanged photos (he sent her a photo, she didn’t), things were looking good, they shared many things in common. But when they met face to face, she was soo boring and was in fact ugly. so he excused himself after 30 minutes and got together with his beatiful ex-girlfriend again. So you get the point:))
January 5th, 2008 at 10:47 am
great article. so simple yet millions of people every year get it wrong…. if only they would read this article
January 5th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
I agree wif yo eye candy. If the photo is muggly and the girl be ugly, she gets no play from JWE, no matter who she be, knowatI’msayin’? But, a well-written, concise and expertly thought out profile always helps signifcantly.
January 6th, 2008 at 12:08 am
I agree with Ed though, you need to have a decent profile about yourself to draw the women or men in….
However, just like in any relationship, you have to have the staying power to keep that person attracted in person.
Sure, if you can attract the numbers, the better chances you will find your soul mate, but they always look past the picture and profile when they meet you.
January 6th, 2008 at 12:09 am
BTW, I am going to be posting a link to this article on my sidebar
January 6th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
Hi Ed, it is the first time I have read one of your articles and it is so refreshing to see a substancial and original piece of writing about online dating.
I am not entirely in agreement about re-inventing yourself - unless you can actually become that person then your datesre bound to notice but all in all everyone does at least stretch the truth.
Thank you, it was a good read and I shall link to your article.
January 7th, 2008 at 1:45 am
Let me clarify the re-invent yourself part. What I mean is that you can stress your positive attributes within your profile enough to make yourself appear cooler, smarter, wittier, funnier. But, you need to have those things already. And then you need to be that person. People fall into bad habits trying to be who they think their mate wants them to be, not who they are. But, I believe people are who they want to be. We can change. We can make ourselves better. (I am starting to sound like Tony Robbins now)
January 8th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Cheating Women. Why Do They Do It?
Why do some women cheat? Can you stop cheating women? More women are choosing to cheat on their partners than ever before. This
article will list the main reasons why some women cheat.
1. Revenge. Although you didn’t sleep with someone else, you may as well have. You have broken her trust in some other way.
Cheating women often sleep with someone else to pay you back for that dodgy investment or the lie she caught you out on. Apologize
profusely and hopefully she will forgive you instead of joining the cheating women society.
2. Feeling unappreciated. Do you treat your wife or girlfriend like an unpaid nanny? Do you ever thank her for all those boring chores
she does in and out of the house? What is she doing while you are playing golf? Housework? Minding the children? Seeing someone
else? Cheating women often do so because they feel totally neglected at home. Show her you do appreciate her. Say thank you. Notice
what has been done. Give her some help. Cheating women are looking for some appreciation and thanks.
3. The honeymoon is over. Another motivator for cheating women is that they are not getting enough sex at home. Once that sexual
glow has gone and the sex becomes less frequent, cheating women look for it elsewhere. Try and put some time aside for sex. Go to
bed early instead o f falling asleep in front of the TV could be all you need to do.
4. Boring sex. Cheating women often say that it is the excitement of the affair that is the big attraction. Sex at home has become
boring and routine. Try and put a spark back into your sex life so that your partner need not leave home to find sexual adventure.
Cheating women love the thrill of the illicit affair.
5. Low self esteem. Having someone pay attention to you can really boost your ego. Cheating women are often looking for the flattery
they are not getting at home. Pay your partner some attention, flatter her, and prevent her from becoming a cheating woman.
6. No intimacy. All women need to feel close to their loved ones. Cheating women have given up on getting it from their partners and
are looking elsewhere. Hugs, kisses, massages, all will make her feel closer to you.
7. No emotional input. Women need you to talk about your emotions. You may think it is worse than going to the dentist. Cheating
women are looking for the emotional feed back they are not getting at home. Cheating women can be prevented just by expressing
your emotions.
8. You cheated first. Cheating women are often paying back their husband for his sexual infidelity. Sexual revenge is a huge motivator
for cheating women. This kind of tit for tat is only going to hurt you both.
9. Sayonara. Some cheating women have already mentally left the relationship and are looking for the replacement. Emotionally, this
cheating woman has already left you. She probably isn’t planning on staying.
With some attention and flattery your partner need not join the lengthening list of cheating women.
January 8th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Man, when you hit it, you hit it on all 8 cylinders, baby! Funny, funny s–t! What took so long. You’re the reason I visit this site, so write more often.
January 10th, 2008 at 6:40 am
Having a good profile is a big deal if you want to get good man/woman also, as long as it’s true and speaks of who really you are. It’s important that you have to write a “formal” profile if you want to get a good date. Just be true and honest to yourself!
January 10th, 2008 at 7:26 am
I agree with Ed though
***********************************************
I am Grace, a beautiful woman from us. i am just at the begining of my career and want to seek a rich man for support, maybe to be my sugar daddy..where should i start?? maybe here.. i also uploaded my hot and even naked photos on the famous service Agelesscupid.com under the name Sweetheart0729, maybe you want to check out my photos!
January 10th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
Well no woman will ever cheat on me cus I am the top-Dog in this game. I am way more powerful than most dudesI don’t play around and won every fight and I am very aggressive confrontations.I maintain aginst any obstical and conquer women like Great Britain. I get rewpect from my crew and any one in my circle knows who the boss iz.
So the women love me and this usually gives me more opportunity to mate with all available females I met in clubs bar or even in the supermarket.
January 10th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
Well no woman will ever cheat on me cus I am the top-Dog in this game. I am way more powerful than most dudes and I don’t play around.Won every fight since kindergarten and I am very aggressive in confrontations. I maintain against any anything and conquer women like Great Britain. I get respect from my crew and every one in my circle knows who the boss iz.
So the women love me and this usually gives me more opportunity to mate with all available females I met in clubs bar or even in the supermarket.
January 11th, 2008 at 7:17 am
You know what? I’ve discovered that when it comes to finding partners and dating we humans want someone unique not ordinary or usual. Why? Because we believe in finding that one person. So from my experience if you want to write a great dating profile then be unique. Don’t give the normal boring crap you see and read in most peoples profile. For goodness sake you are not applying for a job. Make it short, interesting and funny if you can and don’t put your life history on it.
Leave them wanting more and curious about who you are. Oh yeah and put a picture of you. Even if you look like a cow. lol
January 11th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
Sometimes I wish I was single again, so I could take advantage of internet dating. So much simpler than going to night clubs.
January 11th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
Guys are always lying in their profiles. They say stuff and then it turns out not to be totally untrue. Guys are scum-sucking con men who just want to get into bed with you and then they ruin your life and then divorce you and take all your money and lie about you to your kids and parents and then trash your name in the community and get all their friends to line up against you and then slap you and spit in your face. All my ex-husbands have turned out to be complete a-holes. They’re nice at first and then they start the cheating and the lying and it’s all over. I hate men — they are lower on the evolutionary scale than chimpanzees and they act just like them. I used to think that some men were honest and had a good heart, but now I relaize that they just don’t exist. I wish I was a lesbian so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the male race. But, I’m not — so I do.
January 11th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
You sound like someone to avoid, Kitty. Why don’t you just commit suicide if you hate your life so much? What a shrew! You’re the perfect woman for men to detest, because you’re negative and 100% anti-male. Do you even consider yourself a human being. My God, Kitty — what went wrong?
January 13th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
I like this article because it’s funny, insightful and tells it like it is. I agree that people can change and that we’re basically chameleons. Keep the good information flowing dude, Mushu Porky so horny for good text!
January 14th, 2008 at 2:10 am
Oh goodness! The comment about the cheating women? Not what I expected! Heh. But it’s really nice that you are able to write up good profiles for your pals!thedanafiles@
January 14th, 2008 at 5:54 am
For me, it doesn’t matter how beautiful your profile. What’s important is how both of you make the best out if it. If both of you are compatible with each other, then you will end up having a successful relationship. Anyways, this article really helps a lot for those who wants to make their profile looks best!
January 14th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
I wrote a funny profile that is 80% true, and the women have responded to it in a big way. I have more dates than I can ever possibly go on.
January 15th, 2008 at 1:15 am
How much would you charge me to write a profile? My e-mail address is:
suziesan@aol.com.
January 15th, 2008 at 9:36 am
I like this article because it’s funny, insightful and tells it like it is. I agree that people can change and that we’re basically chameleons. Keep the good information flowing dude, Mushu Porky so horny for good text!
January 15th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Great article, tho not sure i agree with all your advice.
If you are interested in a funny and dirty blog about dating in nyc…take a look at my blog below.
http://fish-nyc.blogspot.com/
January 16th, 2008 at 1:18 am
This article rocks. I happen to be incredibly good-looking, so I don’t have to worry about having a great profile. Chicks see my photo and they want me bad. I could write my profile in Chinese and still succeed with the ladiez!
January 16th, 2008 at 2:45 am
I checked some profiles. I found that lots of newbies often tell others how they miss their exes. Then what’s your idea about this problem, Ed?
January 17th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
I would not ever mention your ex. No one wants to date someone who is constantly whining or talking about their ex. Leave it alone and move on.
January 17th, 2008 at 11:04 pm
Right on! Great read.
Meeting people is a blast, but you have to know how to attract the “one” you really want. Some people get it naturally but others like me don’t. I created a resource to teach people what is and what isn’t attractive. I’m glad I learned this stuff and you will be too.
Find answers to the mistakes you are making, and how to fix them for good!
January 20th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Well written! Thanks for the insights you’ve provided.
January 21st, 2008 at 10:01 pm
This is funny and on spot. I spent a lot of time writing my profile and it paid off, because I have attracted some really wonderful fellas. I am now dating three in even rotation, and I’m really enjoying myself.
January 21st, 2008 at 11:46 pm
My profile gets me through the door, at which point I am able to steal the lady’s heart, among other things. I didn’t understand some of this article, though. Who the heck was Attila the Hun?
January 22nd, 2008 at 3:17 am
This article rocks! I have a funny profile and it gets me boffo dates with hot guys all the time. You’re so right about the emulationatory transfusion psychology scenario. Rite on!
January 22nd, 2008 at 7:06 pm
I like your article and it made me change my dating profile. I went with some of your ideas and hopefully I will get a good response. Thanks for the sage advice. I love all your articles on this site. Where can I see more of your writings?
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:46 pm
Marvelous, marvelous stuff. Really well-written. Great job. I laughed and laughed!
January 22nd, 2008 at 11:51 pm
Hi
This is good article but there is a little problem with it, in my opinion.
When somebody write your profile, he’ll write from his perspective on you, and even if it’s your best friend, it’s doesn’t mean that this is the information that you want to write about you and the impression that the people will get on you.
Thanks
Yoni.
January 23rd, 2008 at 5:40 am
I wish I could say that you make a good point Yoni. But, everyone I write a profile for has input about what I write about them. They get to edit it and change whatever they want until they feel it’s just perfect. Without their guidance and suggestions, the whole process would be useless and the end result would not be either genuine or effective.
January 25th, 2008 at 12:15 am
I have to agree with you. I had a pal ‘o mine write my profile and it really helped. Having a third-party write it made all the difference in the world. I started getting responses on it the day I posted it and since then I have been getting dates all over the place.
January 26th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
I truly believe that a good profile has gotten me some great dates. But it has also attracted some real loonies. My take on the whole thing is that if you’re honest, things will go well for you whatever you do. If we all work together in this wonderful world called online dating, we can find meaningful relationships, but honesty is truly the key to all of it. Keep a current photo on your profile and be truthful, people!
January 31st, 2008 at 2:20 am
Well written - informative and funny to boot! I am finally at a place in my life where I may be able to put the time into online dating. I have tried it hit or miss several times with mixed results.
At the time when I was more actively using the online dating, photos were the exception, not the rule.
I have to admit I too eliminate profiles without photos, yet I don’t post my photo. Mostly because of security issues.
I will take your advice to heart when I am finally free to spend the time that it takes to begin and establish friendships.
Thank you!
Donna G.
January 31st, 2008 at 8:05 pm
You being wise, my man. A good writer is a valuable asset to anyone putting together a top-notch profile. Keep ripping it and sipping it, my playah brother from another mother. If you got the gift, play it to the hilt. Black love is the best love, alwayz remmeber that, my good friend. Looking forward to your next diatribe, Mr. Scribe.
-TB-L
Keep an eye out for my new album “B-Lovin’ It!” — coming out in March on the Rapassense Label and my concert tour starting in NYC in May.
February 1st, 2008 at 1:59 am
It’s all good, B-Love knowwotI’msayin’!? And kudos on your new disc. All of uz up in Pac Heights will be checkin’ it out. Count on it! Nest time you’re hittin’ it up in NorCali, be sho to check out us old grays, okay? I missed you last time when you was giggin’ in O-Town, ’cause I wuz in LA! And thanks for lovin’ my articles — it means all that and more from a visionary like yourself. There IS no love like black love and you spelled it out.
ED
February 1st, 2008 at 6:34 pm
I think my profile really works. Guys dig my personality and my spontaneous attitude, but when they see me in person they get scared because I am very overweight. That’s why I don’t put a photo with my profile. I leave it out because I want a man who is not just into looks or a chubby chaser. Do you think I am being dishonest or misleading them?
February 2nd, 2008 at 1:27 am
I don’t think you’re being dishonest if you don’t mention it. If you say you’re a super model type or skinny, then that would be misleading. But, I don’t believe it’s a lie if you just don’t talk about it. I agree with you that there are just way too many people out there right now who are WAY too into physicality. We need to take a look into peoples’ souls a little more before we judge them for how they look on the outside.
February 4th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
I agree that a witty, creative profile is important, because it gives the reader a chance to find out what your personality is like. If a profile is boring, the person who wrote it is most likely boring. If it’s fun and spunky, that person will probably be like that. A lof of men brag too much in their profiles and that’s a major turn-off. Who cares what kind of car they drive or how big their house is? I don’t! I like guys who are a little humble and bring a little personality to the table. Relationships should be fun, otherwise why bother?
February 5th, 2008 at 2:55 am
I like this article on several levels. For one, I find it fascinating that some people need assistance writing their online dating profiles. I also find it interesting that a good profile is so vital to getting quality dates. Very good article…on several levels.
February 6th, 2008 at 3:29 am
Hey now. It’s all good. Profiles can make it or break it and I dooo believe that’s the whole point, am I cognizant of what you’re saying, bro?
February 9th, 2008 at 12:07 am
This is a great article. Profile writing online, is an important as making the first impression. Write a great profile and you will get masses more responses that if you don’t. There is an article i wrote on the do’s and dont’s of online dating which adds to this aswell
Hot Alpha Female
February 9th, 2008 at 1:18 am
My profile rocks because I paid you to write it. I get more dates than a prune tree, baby. $how me the ladies!
February 9th, 2008 at 6:26 am
nice article… I like this one, ha..ha..ha..ha..ha..
May 23rd, 2008 at 2:27 am
You rock. What a funny piece.
June 7th, 2008 at 3:07 am
Nice article ! But I think the profile should be written self and it may enhanced by good profile writer.
June 11th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
Yur so rite on, man. On the $$ and looking for honey!! Yeah! Hey now! Now that is exactly the kind of stuff I have been talking about.
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:20 am
You completely disgust me. You will burn in hell for the sins you’ve committed with this article!