Late Bloomer
by Carly Zinderman.
You know that Drew Barrymore movie, Never Been Kissed? I totally relate to it, except for being a completely pathetic loser. Yet, in high school, no boy ever showed me the slightest bit of interest. I wasn’t worried about it though, my friends were never asked out either, despite the attempts my closest friend occasionally made on random guys that happened to catch her interest. Other than her over-aggressive pursuit of the male sex, my friends and I had next to no contact with boys during our four years of high school and for most of us, the male-free barrier continued on into our college years as well. But the dearth of dating didn’t bug me as much as you’d think. You don’t miss what you’ve never had and never having had a guy; I didn’t miss not having one. Besides, my friends and I had each other, and that was enough. We would sometimes joke about how we would be old cat ladies, which did bother me, because I’m a really a dog person.
After high school and another two years alone at community college, when I finally transferred to a small private liberal arts school, it was with a great deal of amusement that I found that many of their graduates end up getting married. I had been alone for twenty years, why would things change now?
So it was no surprise that when a boy did show some interest in me, I missed all the signs. Everyone but me recognized his feelings for me. Looking back now, it seems obvious: When I sat in a chair with my legs spread apart, he said I looked like I was ready to have sex. My roommate came in to find us lying on my bed together and asked what was going on with us. I said we were just friends. Not until the bet did he tell me how he felt, and even then, I didn’t believe it.
We both really liked the movie Orange County. I insisted it was shot at our school, he insisted it wasn’t. So we decided to make a bet and the loser had to answer any question the winner asked. I won. But I was too shy to ask him out. So it was in total shock that I heard him say he found me attractive. What did that mean? Nobody found me attractive. So I asked him what he meant by that. The poor boy was so flustered; he took a while to respond. Looking back, it seems cruel to have made him confess his feelings twice. But I honestly didn’t understand what he could have meant.
High school may have slowed me down, but other than low self-image, I’m almost entirely recovered. My friends, I fear, have not fared so well. One moved overseas and it’s unclear whether or not she’s entered the dating arena. Another started dating even after I did, and has lost her sense of self and identity through a series of odd dating experiences. And my closest friend? She’s no longer my closest friend. She was the first to date and so desperate to have a man that she became an instant relationship whore in series of long-term relationships with boys that are not right for her, especially her latest live-in lover. Now, four years later, after surviving the biting fiasco of our first stumbling kiss that first boy and I are still together, happy in love.
About the author:
Carly is a Southern California native staying true to her roots by living in the tiny town of Los Angeles. Working as a freelance writer and editor since her graduation keeps her firmly grounded in front of the TV much of the time. When she’s not writing for clients, she tries to write fun stories, but usually ends up reading other people’s instead. In her spare time In her spare time, she enjoys eating, sleeping, reading and watching films.
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December 18th, 2007 at 9:57 am
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at that story. As a father of a growing girl, the whole “dating” thing worries the hell out of me. On the one hand, I don’t want her getting into trouble as a teenager, and want her to wait till she’s old and wise enough to make a proper decision about “boys”.
But on the other hand, I don’t want her to be as awkward and naive as you obviously were (no offence intended). But how to find that middle ground…?
December 18th, 2007 at 5:08 pm
I can relate to your story too. Luckily I have found a wonderful man in my life and hope I don’t have to deal with the stresses of dating again.
December 19th, 2007 at 1:58 am
I want you bad.
December 19th, 2007 at 5:51 am
Great story. An I love the way you tell it.
I was a bit of a late starter, as well. I went to an all boys high school, and by the time I got to college, and first began dating, I had no idea what they hell I was doing. Looking back now, I missed some wonderful opportunities.
But I don’t regret going to an all boys school. Not having to deal with the pressures of dating helped me focus more at school and build a stronger personal foundation.
December 19th, 2007 at 7:49 pm
Gosh, I can so relate to your story. Being extremely tall and skinny at school had me subjected to a number of unflattering nicknames and my boyfriend experiences nil.
I truly blossomed in my 20’s and never suffered any lack of male attention. however, I galloped towards my 40’s and still no sign of marriage. fGetting great boyfriends was always quite easy but getting a man to marry me proved to be SSSSSOOOOO elusive.
Today, I am happily engaged to the most wonderful man and now live in a beautiful house in the South of France and am busy planning my summer wedding.
December 19th, 2007 at 7:50 pm
@ “I want you bad”.
Hey Johnny, I am sure it’s a very long line. I think Carly is just pulling legs (and maybe her friends too).
December 20th, 2007 at 3:27 am
What are you sayin’? I know this babe is fine, but why do I have to wait in line?
December 20th, 2007 at 8:32 am
wow, i loved the ending - i’m so happy for you! it is strange that you had a relatively “male free” experience at college, since men seem to be the most hormonal (ok, horny) in their college years. ALSO carly, you have a penchant for writing! despite the length of your post, i found it very readable. i must say i love Orange County as well and cannot believe that it was filmed at your high school! (which high school was it?) I live in SoCal (between San Diego and LA) as well and spend a good portion of my time blogging. I hope you visit and please stay in touch on the blogosphere Carly!
December 20th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
Yeah some grow into their own late…nothing wrong with it; I didn’t really get much ‘play’ in highschool even though I was an athlete…didn’t really start messing around with the ladies till college..but once you start it’s like pringles “you can’t stop”
December 22nd, 2007 at 9:01 pm
I got no play in high school, but now I got dem lovelies breaking my door down. Maybe if you didn’t play video games all the time Matt. You might get some mo play.
December 27th, 2007 at 5:51 am
Yup, I can relate. Thank God those ‘days’ have passed. ;-P. Zoey. Great story!
December 31st, 2007 at 7:57 pm
It sometimes takes one try to find THE ONE. Good thing she didn’t have to kiss a lot of frogs a long the way…. God knows you might not be able to give back what they give you.
I hope everyone enjoys the holidays!
January 15th, 2008 at 9:37 am
Great story. An I love the way you tell it.
I was a bit of a late starter, as well. I went to an all boys high school, and by the time I got to college, and first began dating, I had no idea what they hell I was doing. Looking back now, I missed some wonderful opportunities.
But I don’t regret going to an all boys school. Not having to deal with the pressures of dating helped me focus more at school and build a stronger personal foundation.
January 21st, 2008 at 5:44 am
Amazing story Carly. I know a ton of guys who can relate to a story like this. It goes to show that beauty and attraction can come anytime in any way in a persons life. Ciao
-Dthomas
January 23rd, 2008 at 12:03 am
Hello
I think that you easily avoid your stresses of dating by taking it with the right perspective.
If you’ll go to date with the feeling that you’ll have a fun, and your goal is to have a fun. it’s become much easier enjoyable for both of you…
Good Luck
Yoni.
January 29th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
The same story happened to my close friends. All of them are great gals, funny, attractive, interesting. At school they thought it was too early to start dating, then at university each of them met a guy, and unfortunately having problems. I’m sure they will overcome the stresses and find perfect males. It’s all about time.
As for me late blooming is no actual problem if you date the right person. The problem is when you date the wrong one. And it’s a really great one.
February 13th, 2008 at 7:41 am
yeah there’s no rpoblem with blooming late if you find the right guy and if he finds you.
obviously you were ready for it,
February 13th, 2008 at 7:43 am
yeah there’s no problem with blooming late if you find the right guy and he finds you too.
obviously you were ready, although you didnt know it.
so all is well.
March 17th, 2008 at 11:57 pm
It’s always strange to see that there are others that weren’t on the boyfriend train at 12. I mean, I didn’t have my first BF until I was almost 22 years old. Yeah…my friends called me “the last of the Mohican’s” since I was the only virgin among us.
LOL!
March 22nd, 2008 at 5:43 am
wow, you seem like a fake pathetic troll. do your friends know that you wrote this? seems like you should get a real job.
June 5th, 2008 at 4:28 am
I’m 26 and only had my first kiss at 23 and my first girlfriend at 25. So for all of those worried about starting dating late, dont’. It’ll happen. If interested on reading the adventures of someone in the same boat, check out my blog: http://latedatebloomer.blogspot.com