Dater Beware : My Encounter with …
by Paul G Akins Jr.
Dating can be summed up in one word, annoying. The whole process and all of the games involved irritate the hell out of me. Which is why when my friends suggested that I give online dating a try I politely said hell no.
But after about a month of harassment and ridicule I signed up to a few sites to test my luck. I was surprised by the shear number of sites and how many lonely and horny women there are out there. All just waiting for Mr. Right, but for right now they’ll settle for Mr. Big Johnson and Sir Quick Tongue.
I met a few women online but one stands out. Her names was, well you don’t really need to know her name—besides it was bootyluscious or lickous or something. Her real name wasn’t important, however her butt was. From the pictures she had on her site this girl had a nice big, juicy, yet firm butt.
I sent her a message and she replied back. Then she asked me for something I never thought I’d be asked. She asked to know how big my, well my Johnson was and if I could to send her some photos. Well not being the shy one I released my monster for his photo debut and off he went. Plus she sent me some photos of her, strangely enough just photos of her butt and nothing else.
After receiving my photos she said she wanted to meet with me. Great, only a few weeks into the whole online dating thing and I was about to get some internet tail. But, something just wasn’t right, for some reason my weird-o senses were going off. It all seemed a bit too easy to me.
But none the less I still agreed to meet her at her place on the Southside of town—yet another red flag I ignored. She emailed me her cell number and I called her when I was on my way. However when I spoke to her she sounded, well she sounded a bit Barry Whiteish to me. Though she said she had a cold so I once again ignored my gut feeling and went ahead to meet up with her.
I got to her house, or should I say project and let her know I was there. She said cool and then said, “You know what this is right?” What? I don’t know a bootycall, a trip what the hell land, or just a big ass mistake? That’s when she informs me that the big butt I saw in her profile comes attached to a big Adam’s apple and an even bigger Johnson.
Yup, my gut was right; I had been hitting on a shemale the whole time. And what’s worse is that I sent, her, umm, him naked pictures of me. Great. Now my dream of being a senator is doomed—well maybe I could become a republican and then it would be fine.
I haven’t met any “women” online since. Maybe I just shy, or scared, I don’t know. But what I do know is the next women I meet online better have some baby pictures next to the pictures of her ass.
About the author:
Paul is an aspiring writer who has written various articles covering many different fields. He also do light computer programming and web page development. He has written a few short stories and poems. Quintessential loner and bachelor; loves sports and video games, never goes anywhere without his Ipod, and can’t remember too much about a date, but can give highlights and stats from sports.
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December 6th, 2007 at 6:37 am
Never, never send a picture of your “johnson” to anyone on the net. That was a big warning flag, women do not ask for a picture of it. Sorry to hear about what happened, there are nice women out there looking, it just takes alot of time and effort to meet them.
December 11th, 2007 at 3:22 am
Hilarious! Sorry about your luck!
December 13th, 2007 at 9:54 pm
lmao that was funny. Although I’m a real woman and HAVE asked men to see a picture of their “Johnson” =). Some women want to know what they are working with before they get into anything with a man. =)
December 17th, 2007 at 7:43 am
Oh that made me laugh!
At least you found out when you did. Some Jerry Springer episodes Ive seen, the guys dont find out its really a man for months! Lol.
December 27th, 2007 at 3:00 am
This is hilarious… Thank you it made me laugh!
January 15th, 2008 at 9:38 am
Sorry to hear about what happened, there are nice women out there looking, it just takes alot of time and effort to meet them.
January 16th, 2008 at 3:30 am
Readed your article and sorry to hear about what happened on you. Personally, not all the online experiences are bad. Anyhow, online dating is becoming to the mainstream of meeting someone special.
January 17th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
I used to hate dating too. Especially the “games”
Much to my surprise I love dating now. I purposefully stay single now because I’m meeting so many more women that are attractive.
I used to date…….. well ugly girls. Now I date hotties. Here’s how I got from point a to point b:
January 23rd, 2008 at 4:11 am
Hey Buddy:
You are lucky. At least you did not sleep with her!
I had a similar experience 20 yrs ago when my buddies forced me to go out with them.
I met this very beautiful “girl” who I did not know was a man. When I took her/him to the motel and then asked her to undress for action, she refused. That was when alarm started going off my head and I had to rush out from the motel like a wounded tiger.
However having one bad online dating experience should not discourage you from continuing dating. Dating is a numbers game. The more women you date, the more it gets better. Have you tried myspace.com? Yes, don’t tell me, it could be worse. But you got to keep trying. You can give up. myspace.com/worldtopsexiestwomen
February 9th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
Hilarious and honest. A good short story! What’s best - it’s true. Bravo.
December 16th, 2008 at 10:02 am
i have sent my pics many times and never have had a problem. but you should have pulled the plug when you heard her voice. also, you should always ask for more pictures. it’s okay for you to send nudes, but if she does, that’s usually another red flag. most women will not send nudes. just ask for some regular pics of her. if you can’t tell whether or not she’s a man, then you need to take an IQ test. you may be retarded.