From Charming to Crazy in less than Two Hours
by E. Tracy Coker.
After several weeks of searching through the internet dating site I subscribed to, “Carl” (whose name has been changed) sent me a little message saying hello; from his profile and the things he said, he seemed like a nice guy. After a few days of e-mailing and a single phone call, Carl asked me to meet him at a subway station for a first date.
I was looking forward to this date. Carl not only seemed enthusiastic to meet me, but he was intelligent and seemingly down to Earth, as well. The real test was going to see if he looked anything like his picture.
I was a college student looking for a stable and loving relationship. He was a college graduate staying in Boston to attend dental school with the desire of becoming a dentist and opening his own practice. I’m no gold digger, but what girl doesn’t love an ambitious suitor?
Standing outside of the subway entrance, I watched people passing by, anxiously wondering which one of them would be Carl; finally, he emerged. He was handsome, just the right height for me, and I could feel our chemistry click. What I relief! Or so I thought.
“Hello, how are you? It’s so good to finally meet you!” Carl said happily, holding both of my hands as he flashed his beautiful smile. “Shall we go have dinner?”
I agreed, and we chatted as we made our way to the restaurant; we were getting along just great. Our conversation had depth, but we were also developing a fun banter. We soon found ourselves in a delightful and somewhat posh restaurant with a cozy atmosphere and intimate setting. Our deeply enjoyable conversation only lulled when the waiter came to the table to introduce himself.
“And what can I get for you to drink?” the waiter asked.
“We’ll both have water,” my date piped up. I was taken aback; I didn’t tell him what I wanted to order.
“Excuse me,” I interjected to the waiter, “I’ll have a coke, please.”
“Soda is bad for your teeth!” Carl insisted. He then looked up at the waiter. “She’ll have a water, thank you.”
The waiter looked to me for my reaction: I was too stunned to protest, so he promptly turned away to fill our drinks. I began to voice my concern to Carl, but he masterfully changed the subject.
“So what do you think about going to check out that new Star Wars movie after this?” Carl asked, oblivious to my reaction. “Did you hear that R2D2 and C-3PO will be in this one?”
“No Way! How did they wind up in the new movies??” Being the eternal geek with ADD, my attention was quickly pulled from the disturbing drink order occurrence and I immediately decided to forgive and forget.
And for the rest of the meal, he behaved. He didn’t make any controlling comments about my meal, so I thought everything was fine. That was, until….
“And what will we be having for dessert?” the waiter encouragingly asked.
“None, thank you,” Carl said as he threw his napkin on the table. “We’re done for tonight.”
“How about you, miss?” the waiter asked me.
“Sure! Could I please have the chocolate mousse pie?”
“Of course! That’s the favorite choice of so many customers here.”
“Yes, the ones with tooth decay!” Carl butted in. “No dessert. I’ll take the check now, please.”
The waiter obeyed. Perhaps he thought I was Carl’s little sister? More like a dental patient being held hostage. But I didn’t complain- it would be rude when the other person is paying the check, and I decided that he may be on a budget but was too embarrassed to tell me or to even ask me to pick up half the bill. I understood being on a budget, and my naïve nature gave him the benefit of the doubt.
But there are some things that even a naïve nature can’t handle!
As we were walking towards the movie theaters, he affectionately grabbed me around the shoulders and held on tight- it was like a bear hug, but while we were walking! I could barely breathe.
“Oh Tracy, I have had such fun with you tonight! I am going to love you and hug you and take care of you forever!” he gleefully announced, loud enough for everyone else on the same street to hear.
I couldn’t even manage a “…what?” I just kind of looked at him funny, which seemed to encourage him.
“That’s right! You’re going to be my baby, and I’m going to take care of you and dress you and feed you and clothe you from now on! You’ll be so happy! You’ll never leave the house!”
By this time, I realized that the chance for reasoning with him had not only passed, but it may not have ever existed in the first place. I did what any sane woman would do: I lied.
“Oh my gosh!” I exclaimed, taking my mobile phone out of my pocket. “I missed my roommate’s phone call!”
“Oh?” he said, looking a little sad that something interrupted his joy.
“Yes! She was going to get some of her stuff from her…uh… abusive ex-boyfriend, but I was worried and told her to call me if something went wrong. She might be hurt! I have to leave immediately!”
“Are you sure?” he said. He looked so sad, like a puppy dog. I felt bad about what I was doing, bu that went away when I imagined what it would be like to have this man controlling me like some overgrown infant.
“Yes,” I said, looking into his eyes and trying to make it a good lie. “I really, really have to go.”
“Perhaps we can get together another time?”
“Sure! Just contact me through the dating site again!!” And with that, I was off. Down into the nearest subway station, looking behind my back to make sure I wasn’t followed.
Getting back into my dorm room sure felt good. My roommate was casually lounging on her bed, reading a book. She never had an abusive ex-boyfriend to deal with that night, of course.
“So how’d your date go?” she asked.
“I think I have a fear of dentists now,” was the only way I could think to describe it.
“That bad?”
“Yeah.”
Needless to say, I claimed that I’d found a boyfriend the next time Carl contacted me, which was a few days later. For a guy who voiced such strong commitments on the first date, he didn’t question my quick relationship status. And then I never heard from him again. Whew!
About the author: After a string of comedically tragic online dating experiences, Tracy finally found the right guy and has settled down with him. She still likes to laugh about those awful, yet funny times and looks forward to a life of more welcomed insanity with Mr. Right (who’s 19 years older than she is), two dysfunctional cats (one thinks she’s a flying wombat and the other thinks he’s a raccoon- and neither of them will stop running across the keyboard!!!) and a deviously smart dog. She works as a freelance writer while trying to pimp out her book/movie that’s kind of a weird sci-fi allegory of our present society, and she appreciates that you read her article.
Popularity: 10% [?]
October 31st, 2007 at 1:47 pm
haha great read
November 1st, 2007 at 9:21 am
Great story. I have met a guy like Carl so I know your feeling. You are so clever. I am so glad you start your new life with a new guy. Hope you two will be together forever.
November 1st, 2007 at 7:30 pm
Sister, I dated a dentist. Glad your relationship was shorter than mine!
November 2nd, 2007 at 6:35 am
Ha..ha.. I enjoyed the story. He is a psycho.
November 5th, 2007 at 2:30 am
*shudders* Scary. VERY scary.
November 6th, 2007 at 6:44 pm
I think your first clue should have been meeting him at a subway station. Why not meet at the restaurant? I’ll tell you why: his evil dentistry practice lies deep within the 6 line, where he fixes the teeth of subway rats and turns them into killers with razor-sharp gnashers.
November 15th, 2007 at 9:05 pm
Haha! Thank you for the great responses!
November 19th, 2007 at 12:47 am
You passed on Carl!!!???
Wow, you sure are a picky lady! Imagine never having to leave the house again?
I think I would have stopped and turned slowly to him and said this,
Me: “Carl, baby, there’s one thing I haven’t been totally honest about…”
Carl: “Yes?”
Me: “I’m a crack addict. Would you still love me and buy me crack everyday? My habit is only about $100 a day. Well, okay, sometimes it’s $200 and on weekends I’ll like blow $2500 but only every OTHER weekend.
So, baby, is that okay with you?”
November 25th, 2007 at 9:55 pm
Are you sure his name is not Bill? I ran into a similar looney toons a few weeks ago. I produce television and made the mistake of hiring “Bill” on a picture.
He mutated from charming to psychopath in two weeks flat. He began to stalk me within an inch of my life, send me “presents”, call me at 7:00 am and then continue calling me all day and all night way into the wee hours of the morning, email me continuously “just to see how your day is going”. I couldn’t get rid of the guy!
I dissed him and would take extremes to avoid him - he retaliated by continuing the same behavior, escalating the intensity of the phone calls, and trying to make me jealous with tales of a waitress he’d met someplace. Finally it escalated until he phoned me right after I received some really bad business news and found out the same day that a favorite relative had died. He gave me no space to deal with this stuff and instead spent 15 minutes raving like a lunatic about the waitress he was dating, how much sex they were having, and how similar to, yet much better she was than, me.
I told him, “You know, you obviously have a crush on me; I’m not interested; go away, you sociopath”, and hung up on him.
The next day, he emailed and first told me I was imagining his interest in me. Then he proceeded to insult me, and mentioned an earlier statement I’d made where I said I was dating another guy. “Good for you,” Mr. Uninterested groused. Then he gave my personal email address to his stalker ex-girlfriend, and she began sending me loony misspelled messages warning me to “stay away from Bill he toy with woman and will not marry - I am strong Jewish woman beliv in G-d and have many frends”.
She also sent me mildly ominous messages claiming to have Googled me and knowing a bit too much about the TV show I was producing. “Nice website you have… (name of the show),” she wrote darkly. I called the police on both of them, but they’re both several suits short of a full deck, so I await further stalkings.
I love how men say only women are emotional, irrational and crazy, and how stories like these get swept under the collective male media rug.
December 16th, 2007 at 4:36 am
H. — My roommate dated “Bill.” I don’t know if it’s the same Bill, but he was just like that. Phone calls…he even demanded that she be in her room at a certain time to get them. He’d call other people if she wasn’t there and demanded that she be woken up. Fortunately, she wised up and he’s gone.
Unfortunately, he still tries to contact me on IM if I turn off the “only let people on my buddy list see I’m online” feature. 4 years later!! He does it to her too. But she’s overseas, which is a start.
Come to think of it, though, I don’t think he had a Jewish psycho ex-gf (nor is my roomie a psycho) so it’s probably another similar one.
Richard: I love your answer!!!
December 18th, 2007 at 12:08 am
That was definitely a great read..I guess dentistry and dating don’t mix huh? Most guys who try to act like they’re normal more often than not are unsuccessful in hiding their little controlling actions. They’re the creepiest ones, the ones that try to hide that monster. One advantage I can see with dating a dentist is that you’ll definitely be sure they have fresh breath (but we just hope he won’t be preachy about it). I dated this guy once who had horrible breath. Nothing he said or did could cover it up (literally and figuratively).
February 7th, 2008 at 4:09 am
Same thing happened to me, kind of - funny story…
I jokingly put up an ad on craigslist and received well over 200 responses. I only responded to guys who included pictures, so I figured that that, in combination with meeting them at a public place would work in my favor.
No.
The first guy was cheap and took me to IHOP for dinner. He showed up late, and when he dropped me off, he texted me not even five minutes later. The next day he asked my underwear size, claiming that his aunt had a discount at Victoria’s Secret. When I told him I didn’t want anything to do with him, he flipped out, and several moments after that IM’ed me saying, “Can I at least go down on u or sumthing? Or can we have sex?”
The second guy was great at making out, but his clothes didn’t fit him, and he had this weird southern draw. I found out a week later that he thought we were dating, and when he found out we weren’t a couple, he freaked out and sent me several weird and borderline psychotic e-mails.
Ok, so guy number three went well, but guy number four was even better. He showed up with a flower and looked just like he did in the photo. We’re still dating ten months later. Go figure.
February 7th, 2008 at 4:52 am
ahhh! crazy, so it seems like a lot of people have had the same sort of experience.
We all have a Carl.
I did!
I met this guy, talked online one night, for hours on the phone the next few nights, then went on a date, he took me to a really nice restaurant, then back to his place.
We moved way to fast (nothing horrible, but rushed into things relationship wise)
anyways…
the night after our date he came to my place for dinner, and the conversation that followed revealed him to be very needy and then also thinking there was something about me that he needed to fix.
I’m fine… o_o
anyways…i think i’ve had my share of internet dating.
great story though! I’m not sure how I would have reacted in your situation >_
February 9th, 2008 at 11:47 am
All the girls here think this is crazy, but as a guy, I don’t see anything unusual about the whole interaction.
In fact, there is a lot to learn from this guy. There are way too many beta males out there who can’t even assert themselves with a woman. That doesn’t mean forcing them to do anything physical obviously. But I give props to this guy who has the balls to be the man and not “chump out” like most guys do — constantly asking for permission from women — “is this ok?” - “what would you like?” - “where do you want to go?” - “i’ll do whatever you want me to do”. Ugh.
And here’s a guy who is honest about his feelings, isn’t afraid to share that he likes someone, when a lot of guys have trouble sharing their feelings.
Look, women complain about a billion things when it comes to men and I’m sure women exaggerate about their bad encounters as much as men exaggerate about the size of their member. So in the end, I give props to the man.
Peace
February 9th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
I believe about 1/10 th of this story. Nice try.
February 15th, 2008 at 7:39 am
i don’t have any particular reason not to believe what i just read, but i don’t believe it all the same..i won’t even bother explaining why…and no, i didn’t identify with the jackass mentioned.. anyway, as steve martin said to john candy in “planes. trains, and automobiles”; “the next time you launch into one of you long winded stories, have a point! it makes it so much more enjoyable for the listener!” i’m paraphrasing, still…it’s near enough.. by the way, did i ever tell you about my date with the obsessive compulsive-passive aggressive finisher of other people’s sentences? no? oh, jesus, wait til you hear this.. anyway, she called and said that she would like to have coffee, and i said…hey….where you going? i was just getting started! you’ll like this, i promise! hey, wait…wait…
February 17th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
I feel sorry for the girl that ends up with this guy, hopefully she will get the option to leave when she wants
March 6th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
I think the best way to handle someone like this is to immediately buy a coke, pack of cigs and chain smoke and drink. Tell him you only brush your teeth once a week and say you never shower. That will get rid of him!
March 20th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Poor girl, Tracy! I couldn’t imagine a guy behaving this way on your first date!!! Let it second or third or twentieth, it would be strange anyway, but on the first one?! Outrageous!
March 29th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Whew! I was afraid it would be about me!
April 9th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
So pretty you are!