Are You Permanently Celibate?
by Maureen Shaw.
I received an email this week from one of our members at SexyAds.com that left me reeling. Now if you’ve never visited our site, we allow our members to write pretty much whatever they want in their personal ads or blogs or forum posts and as the name implies, sometimes it’s of an adult nature. So today this guy gets an email from a woman who’s been a member for more than 6 months and has logged in 298 times. She writes:
Hello, my name is Mandy and I saw your profile and thought I’d drop you a line. I’m happily single and permanently celibate by choice. What about you, what’s your story? |
Now don’t get me wrong, being single can can often does have its advantages and after a while I’d get used to it, but never in my wildest imagination could I say the oxymoronic “I’m happily single.” I could go with reluctantly single or unfortunately single or better yet contentedly single. I just couldn’t figure out what this woman thought she was doing on an adult personals site if she was happily single AND permanently celibate.
As for permanently celibate, how can anyone say that? I could say that today I’m celibate or that I’ve been celibate for the past 6 months, but unless I get on my knees and make a vow of chastity, I reserve the right to change my mind. Anyone who says they’re permanently celibate is loopy. We all need passion and intimacy, that’s the way we’re put together. She’s obviously got a few bits and bobs in the wrong spots. I’ve read about these people who consider themselves asexual and maybe that’s the type of site she needs to find. I can’t imagine anyone willingly missing out on the excitement and fulfillment of a sexual experience.
Never one to let things die an easy death, I decided to write to the woman and tell her that I owned the site and that I’d received an email from a very confused member after he received her message and could she tell me what she expected to find on the site. I was only curious I told her.
If I thought she was weird before, her reply nearly popped my peepers out. She wrote:
Dear Maureen, Thank you for your kind letter of Thursday last. I’ve been a member here for a while now and I’m having a really good time. While I’m determined to stay single, I do want to date. I just don’t want to have sex with any of them. I know it probably seems silly to you for me to be on your site when I should be at a non-adult dating site where there is no focus on sexuality, but I prefer a site like yours and here’s why. The men are really sexy. They think they’re sexy and they feel sexy. It makes a huge difference when we go out that they want me even though they know they can’t have me. I hope this explains things. |
Ummm.. no. I think she’s a freakin nutter and I was all ready to zap her membership and put her in the bullshit bin, but I thought I’d show it to my husband just for laughs. He took it very seriously and said that maybe I was the one with the problem. Surely there was room in the world (and on our site) for people with a different view, he told me. I just shook my head. I went on about how she’d be bad for business, teasing and flirting and never wanting to go further. I worried about the risk that she’d get hurt by someone who wouldn’t take teasing and then a no and didn’t want to be a part of that. So we compromised. For this one woman, we created a new category that is only visible on this one profile - permanently celibate.
About the author: In her spare time Maureen Shaw posts to a blog at www.feelingflirty.com about flirting, relationships and sexuality. She met the sexiest man on the planet through a personal ad on the net in 1994 and shortly after they created an adult dating community at www.sexyads.com. Over the past 10 years there’s not much this old broad hasn’t heard or seen - like the guy who painted himself green and posed for his profile photo lying in the snow like a snow angel – and he was naked under that paint.
Popularity: 6% [?]
September 2nd, 2007 at 5:07 pm
In the rap world, we have a name for women like these. They’re called PT’s. This lady you described must have some weird trips going on in her head, teasing bros and then not delivering. She needs a good shrink, not a date. She’s just into using guys and obviously has a deep-seated hatred toward men.
September 3rd, 2007 at 1:10 am
Hey Poppa, in my experience there are as many men who treat women like a mongrel dog as there are women who use their private parts to tease and control men. They are both wrong. Let’s get to a place in our society where respect for each other exists especially in our sexual relationships. Let it be ok for either party to say they’re horny and want sex and the other say, “yeah, ok,” even if now isn’t the best time. Anyone can make time for a quickie.
As far as permanently celibate goes - even the Catholic Church can’t keep ‘em down on the farm. These people are dreamin’! We’re all created as sexual beings.
September 4th, 2007 at 12:40 am
Hmm… I heard this sentence before:
“The first thing everyone need when they woke up from bed is love. Everyone needs to be loved.”
Maybe in the past relationship, she experienced some huge breakdowns and she made that decision. I hope she will open up herself for new possibilities. Making a decision to be permanently celibate don’t really benefit her.
From her case, she still want to be loved (can see from her interest in dating). But not wanting to go further is not really true to her.
September 4th, 2007 at 3:06 am
Um, I have to say that want to date a man because “It makes a huge difference when we go out that they want me even though they know they can’t have me.”
is a little….mean.
I don’t mean that she should sleep with them and at least she’s being up front about it, but I do think that “dating” is supposed to be about finding a relationship. Companionship and dating are DIFFERENT. Companionship is hanging with someone and going to movies together which can be a big part of dating. Dating, however, is SUPPOSED to include a possibility of a future.
I think you handled it just right.
September 4th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
Just wanted to leave a note that I think your business must be fascinating! I enjoyed both this article and your blog.
September 4th, 2007 at 5:31 pm
Come on people, I could see from her “permanently celibate” message she is lieing like hell. She tries to make her situation (that of a single woman who hasn’t had sex in ages) sound funny by using those expressions.
But the truth is, she is a FAT and UGLY WOMAN, hidding behind a monitor and pretending she’s teasing men and that she’s unreachable.
September 6th, 2007 at 1:08 am
But the truth is, she is a FAT and UGLY WOMAN, hidding behind a monitor and pretending she’s teasing men and that she’s unreachable.
Is she? Mmmmm. That would make her a bit more sympathetic. But it’s much more likely that she enjoys the titillation of the chase and doesn’t want the emotional “mess” of being caught. There are people, male and female, like that.
September 6th, 2007 at 3:31 am
I’M A SINGLE MALE, AGE 48. I AM HAPPY BEING SINGLE, TO A POINT. I’VE LEARNED THROUGH THE YEARS A THING OR TWO ABOUT HAVING SEX ON THE FIRST DATE. IT ALWAYS ENDS IN A DIVORCE. WE NEVER GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER LIKE IF WE WOULD HAVE DATED. I’VE ALSO LEARNED TO PUT THE SEAT DOWN AFTER I USE THE BATH ROOM. BOTH PARTS OF IT THAT WAY THE NEXT PERSON HAS TO LIFT AT LEAST ONE PART UP TO USE IT.
September 6th, 2007 at 5:03 am
It wouldn’t necessarily make her more simpatethic. There was an episode in Sex and the city about this topic (people trying to make fun of their situation so it wouldn’t semm they make a big fuss out of being single, or without children etc.). The fact is, man is a sociable animal, that is why the single and dating sites are full of people looking for the one. No sane person would say it’s good going back to an empty house or apartment (animals don’t count as a companion,you all see why) and eating alone and sleeping alone. Loneliness is the worst thing that could happen to a human, especially at a certain age, when you just want to sit back and relax and enjoy what’s left of your time. So, to cut to the chase, STOP PRETENDING YOU’RE HAPPY TO BE SINGLE, it’s not. THAT’S WHY ANTIDEPRESSIVE WERE INVENTED.
September 6th, 2007 at 6:41 pm
She reminds me of a friend of mine who after each disastrous affair decides that she quits men forever. Bu the similarities end here - my friend never keeps her promise and she constantly gets involved with the most awful guys. Well, maybe for her sexual abstinence will do good.
September 8th, 2007 at 9:57 am
I have to agree with the comment. I am divorced after 18 years of marriage. My last 3 years involved living with a gorgeous guy that was the biggest womaniser on this earth that eventually turned out to be not so gorgeous. I would have to say I am very happy to be single at this point in time and probably the happiest I have been in a long time. It has given me the time to concentrate on the more important things in life like finding out who I am really as a person and enjoying and valueing the time I spend with my two beautiful children.
September 10th, 2007 at 1:47 am
I’m happily single. There’s a myth out there that women or men who are happily single are not “open” enough, hate the opposite sex, need therapy or they’re just lying. LOL I guess that could be true for some people, but I know lots of people who are happily single (both men & women). I don’t hate men, I just don’t want to live with one again - no offense to anyone who wants to co-habitate, it’s just not for me. And, living alone does not equate to being lonely! Sheesh people! And I’m not ugly or on anti-depressants…lmao. It takes lots of different types of people to make a world…that includes those who want to live with another person and those who are happy on their own, like me.
September 14th, 2007 at 4:55 am
LOLLLLLL
Mandy sounds like my ex gf!!
Just my Luck!!
;))
I’m Hoping + Praying that by visiting the 15 Min Date I’ll soon be ending my own Celibacy + Enjoying that Wonderful pastime called SEX*
November 30th, 2007 at 6:03 pm
Just wanted to leave a note that I think your business must be fascinating! I enjoyed both this article and your blog.
Ken
January 3rd, 2008 at 1:48 pm
I really enjoyed your article and your blog keep up the great work. I have to agree with the one comment about sex on the first date is a really bad thing and in most cases does end in a divorce or breakup.
January 7th, 2008 at 2:41 am
Nice article, I really enjoyed it.
March 17th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
The Best!!!
March 31st, 2008 at 2:01 am
Maureen, can you provide scientific, logical or some kind of reasonable evidence that we all need pleasure and passion?
I am a celibate guy. Not necessarily permanent, but as for myself I live very happily that way and I don’t think I need sex at all. What if I just want to not belong to the 60% of divorces? Should I change my status to married in the future, if happens, I still think sex will have nothing to do with my change, but love and God’s determination that I don’t continue humanly alone.
June 21st, 2008 at 12:56 am
LOLLL
Everyone has a choice and she choice whatever she wanted….