The Adventures of SWF (Part 2 of 3) : SWF Ponders Truthfulness in Online Disclosures
by Mary Powers.
Internet dating can be tricky, you never know if the person is telling the whole truth. Often people fudge on minor details. For example, I tell people I am 30 when I am really 33. Maybe today I’m 130 pounds, but yesterday I was 145 pounds. Little white lies can be expected, but what happened next made me question disclosure ethics in the world of online dating.
I met Miguel online in a dating chat room. He appeared to be funny, sweet, and interesting. After chatting for a few weeks, we agreed to meet in person for a real date.
In the flesh, he was a sultry Latino man with dark thick wavy hair that I looked forward to running my hands through if the opportunity should present itself. We jumped into his yellow sports car and zoomed towards Seattle in search of entertainment.
We arrived at Greenlake, which is a large lake with a three-mile loop around it. Rollerblade, canoe, and paddleboat rentals are available seasonally and the mochas at the little stand by the basketball hoops are toasty on a chilly day.
“Please can we walk around the loop?” I asked. I was an avid nature lover and I had just finished a half-marathon.
Miguel seemed reluctant to do the three-mile jaunt, but he finally agreed. He was a slow walker and I kept hearing a clicking noise when he moved. Assuming it was the keys in his pocket, we continued our walk and talk. At the 1/4 mile post, I noticed sweat was beading down Miguel’s forehead. He was obviously going through an athletic struggle. “He must be out of shape!” I thought.
He groaned and said he wanted to sit down on a bench. “No!” I exclaimed and gave him a recap of an inspiring boot camp-type weight loss reality show I had seen on television.
Miguel sat down on a bench anyway and stared out at the glistening lake. “I have to tell you something,” Miguel said and hung his head. In my extensive dating experience, nothing good ever came after that statement.
Miguel confided he only had one leg, the other was a prosthetic. He lost the other leg in a construction accident. Though he could get around just fine, walking three miles probably wasn’t something he wanted to do if given a choice.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I wailed. If I had known, I would have chosen a different agenda for the day. Miguel answered, “I don’t tell people because I want to get to know me. They imagine a freak if I tell them before we meet.”
I’ve thought long and hard about this. Though I don’t see him anymore for other reasons, mainly his jealous streak and ill temper, I’ve often wondered: Did he have an ethical duty to disclose this issue before he meets a potential suitor?
About the author: Mary Powers is a recent graduate of the University of Washington and lives in the Pacific Northwest. A paralegal by day, and freelance travel writer by night, she burns the candle at both ends. Her first publication, “The City Dweller’s Travel Guide to Rural Historic Areas in the Pacific Northwest” is being released in June 2007. Known to many as the “Twinkie Queen,” she lives with her dog Emma The Golden Retriever Powers and her husband Mike whom she met on a BLIND DATE!
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July 17th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
That’s a tough one. Perhaps Miguel thought it might put people off and wanted the woman to make her own mind up about him before telling them.
July 17th, 2007 at 9:40 pm
Hi. Is that your real haircolor? Also, do you shave your eyebrows??
July 17th, 2007 at 9:40 pm
Do you have a good looking sister I could date??
July 17th, 2007 at 9:43 pm
Minnie,
It is not safe to put your real name on the Internet. PLus your picture??!! Are you crazy? For safety reasons at least put a fake picture on there in case weirdo’s try to stalk you. This makes me angry.
Love you,
J.
July 18th, 2007 at 3:31 am
I don’t believe he was obligated to tell that on the first date, simply because that would be the focus and if he was a decent person you would have a hard time getting to know him. A friend of mine met this guy through an online college class and they started a friendship. When he asked her out he told her he was disabled, injured his leg which was bascially useless and she decided not to date him because he was disabled. Before she knew about his leg she was very interested in him.
July 18th, 2007 at 4:40 am
Wow, you got in his car on the first date? I try to wait until I’ve been on a few before jumping in the car with a guy I met online, but when you stop and think about it, before online dating no one waited to get in the car with a “stranger” (i.e. first date).
I think little white lies on dating profiles are almost to be expected but yeah, its hard to know when someone is telling the truth. I need to do a post about the married guy I met online…ugh…what a @#*$!!!!!
July 21st, 2007 at 5:25 pm
I dated a headless guy once. It wasn’t something he could hide. One good thing about it is that he never spoke. The perfect guy!
July 23rd, 2007 at 1:10 pm
I don’t believe there was a moral obligation to tell you. You two weren’t intimate, yet. His reasoning was perfectly valid. He would tell you when the time was right.