The Adventures of SWF (Part 1 of 3) : SWF meets a Breeder
by Mary Powers.
His ad seemed decent. He was a single white male, so we had two out of three things in common right away. His name was John, he was a homeowner, and he loved the outdoors and novels. He said he wanted to meet right away because there was no reason to chit-chat for weeks before the person-to-person encounter. John was a firm believer in physical chemistry; he insisted we’d have to meet each other in the flesh to see if we would be attracted to each other. If things checked out, then we could get to know each other. Being a flexible person, I decided to go with it.
We met at Chevy’s Restaurant for some Tex-Mex tamales and margaritas. He might have been the most average looking person I’d ever met, unremarkable. “Perhaps his personality would be his saving grace,” I thought.
During our dinner, I told him about my Dutch dwarf rabbit, Carlotto. I hate to be one of those people who go on and on about their pet, but Carlotto was my handsome companion and he could even do cool tricks with key chains. (I’ll save that story for another time.)
John leaned forward and winked at me. “Rabbits are good breeders!” he remarked enthusiastically. “Yes,” I confirmed, “but Carlotto has been neutered.”
John ignored my comment and said something that you never mention on a first date, and probably not even the second or third date: “I can’t wait to breed! My sister lives next door to me and she has eight kids. I spend as much time over there as possible. I hope to have my own brood soon!”
Rule #1 in dating - don’t mention how many kids you want, especially if you are the male and it is early in the dating game. And don’t refer to yourself as a “breeder” unless you work at a puppy mill. Not an appropriate word to use when referring to family planning.
I finished my tamale and I was out of there. No va, senor!
About the author: Mary Powers is a recent graduate of the University of Washington and lives in the Pacific Northwest. A paralegal by day, and freelance travel writer by night, she burns the candle at both ends. Her first publication, “The City Dweller’s Travel Guide to Rural Historic Areas in the Pacific Northwest” is being released in June 2007. Known to many as the “Twinkie Queen,” she lives with her dog Emma The Golden Retriever Powers and her husband Mike whom she met on a BLIND DATE!
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June 14th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
Too eager, you scare me away, too slow, I also go.
nice post
June 15th, 2007 at 1:59 pm
On my last date, not only did Sir Loser reference his desire to begin breeding very quickly, he also shocked me by whipping out a picture of his “tool”. Who does that?
June 17th, 2007 at 11:32 pm
good god. Makes me dread re-entering the dating scene. One of the nice things about the online dating sites is that the ask if you want kids. But what I don’t get is this having to meet right away!? During my first round at Match.com I got that all the time. I won’t do it anymore. I want a long email relationship first. But so many are opposed to that. I don’t understand why? Don’t they want to get to know a person first like I do? Weird.
Thanks for the post!
June 18th, 2007 at 5:31 pm
….
I told my feelings to you in confidence, because I wanted you to know that I’m the kind of man who wants a family, and you go and blog about it at my expense. And for what?
A cheap laugh.
June 21st, 2007 at 10:18 pm
Wow… “breeding” is such a cold word for having children! There’s nothing wrong with being eager to have children, but it sounds like what he needs is a girl who is also eager to state her family planning preferences on the first date. Let’s hope he ends up being a good father, and not just a breeder!
July 10th, 2007 at 5:25 am
thass Hilarious!!
maybe he just wanted to “Practice” Breeding!!
;))
October 5th, 2007 at 11:55 pm
Thank you for sharing!