The 15 Minute Dating Blog

by Arielle Jacobs

Back in December, I did something I swore to myself I would never do. After the prodding of family, friends and coworkers, I buckled down and joined JDate, the online dating website for Jewish singles. A month and a half later, I cancelled my paying membership. Did I find true love? Had I gone from total non-believer to newest JDate poster girl, complete with gargantuan sized photo of myself and my new love obnoxiously displayed in New York’s Times Square? (If you’ve never seen this horrid billboard of rotating JCouples, you’re not missing out). Oh no, dear friends, quite the opposite.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there are lots of fine men in JLand, and I even know of a few people who have had real JSuccess. But somehow it seemed as though I was attracting the JWeirdos like a moth to a flame. I should mention that I never even went on a single date with anyone I met through the website. In my six weeks on JDate I had some sort of conversation with about 50 men. There seemed to be a legitimate mutual interest with 2 of them, but both ceased contact before ever meeting in person. The other 58 or so were either so boring that I can’t recall a single detail about them, or were memorable only out of horror. There was one in particular who will forever stand out amongst all the rest.

Alex was 36, and seemed nice enough at first. Though 36 is outside of my designated age range, I accepted his IM because it was Saturday evening and I needed entertainment before it was time to go out. As he and I were IMing about nothing in particular, his profile picture in the corner of the IM box suddenly turned into streaming video. No problem, he turned his webcam on. Instead of looking at a static photo, I’m now looking at half his face as he types to me. A few minutes later, he says, “Hold on, gotta answer the phone.” He gets up and walks across the room, and I see that he’s wearing a button-down shirt and…TIGHTY WHITEYS? I immediately run to my roommate and lament the poor JDate sucker strutting around in his underwear, oblivious to the fact that he’s still in view of the webcam.

I return to resume the conversation, and realize that it’s time to get ready. Alex is pretty slow in responding so I don’t think twice about ignoring his IM for a few minutes to put on makeup. As I sit back down, I see him walking back to his computer, only something is different now.

The tighty whiteys are gone. Nothing is in their place. I type a hasty response to the messages he left me and return to the mirror, trying to convince myself that I hadn’t just seen…Alex. When I go back to my seat again, there is no mistaking Alex’s intentions or the sight before me. He’s standing a few feet away from the computer, doing pantsless leg lifts and jumping jacks.

Like a deer in headlights, I want to run away but somehow find myself frozen to my spot. I must have been watching his half-naked aerobics for a full minute before he resumed conversation with me, acting as though nothing was out of the ordinary. I didn’t want to give him credit for catching me so very off guard, so I too acted as though nothing was wrong and quickly ended the conversation with the excuse that it was time to go party. He asked if he could join me. No, Mr. Naked Leg Lifts, you cannot.

New York City is an amazing place with an incredibly diverse populace. I realized shortly after this incident that if I want to see crazy people, I don’t need to pay 35 big ones a month; all I need to do is walk down the street. JDate, thanks for the stories, but I don’t miss you one bit.

About the author: Arielle has been living in New York City all her life, with the exception of the 10 years she spent in New Jersey and another 4 she spent going to college in Massachusetts. She currently writes for several blogs and hopes to one day land a spectacular book deal. When not working or writing, you can find her playing volleyball, dancing in her bedroom, or scouring the city for the elusive inexpensive drink. Here’s the link to Arielle’s site.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 9th, 2007 at 10:24 pm and is filed under Horror Stories, Humorous. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.