Creepy MySpace Women with Free Electronics
by Dan Burke
This blog is mainly for guys, hence the picture above that will draw many Maxim readers in. But women are welcome to read this, and might find it interesting, too. Anyway, here’s a question for the guys who are reading this: If you were in a club, and a woman approached you who looked like the one pictured above, what would you do? This question is, of course, assuming that you’re not already seeing someone.
The most logical answer to this question is, unless you were really stupid, your ego would go up 50 points. Not to mention you’d probably be thinking you were drinking the good luck elixir that Harry Potter drank in “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince”. But if you look anything like me in the picture below, this kind of scenario probably doesn’t happen a whole hell of a lot:
This is hardly the photo that has women banging down my door. Mind you I don’t think I’m bad looking, but I certainly don’t look like George Clooney or Christian Bale. Anyway, my point is that I go to clubs all the time, and 95% of the time women never approach me. If they do, it’s often times because they want me to move out of their way.
On MySpace, however I get 20 to 30 friend requests a day from women who look like this:
Now, besides the fact that this woman has a knife in her hand, there’s one other factor I can’t get over. Why are dozens of these women, who are clearly out of my league, want to be my friend on MySpace? It always interests me because when I walk into a club, I see women who look and dance like this all the time. The only difference is that they pay absolutely no attention to me. So why would these cyber-babes be any different?
Here’s my main point: Groups like MySpace and Facebook are the worst places to find dates. They have such potential though, not only because they are free but also because most users are not reluctant to post their pictures. You would think there are no surprises on these free sites. Think again.
First of all, these sites are like social clubs, minus the social part. There are a lot of people who have over 200 “friends”, but only exchange messages with less than ten of them. The worst part about finding women specifically on MySpace is really the amount of deception that occurs. These women probably aren’t real. Of course, the pictures are real, but the people who claim to look like this probably don’t. When you do accept their invitation to be their friend, what most often happens is they give you a chance to win a free Playstation 3 or whatever piece of equipment is hot at the moment.
It’s really just like a horror movie: an exceptionally gorgeous women who takes an unusual amount of interest in me probably wants to kill me. If you don’t believe me, go ask Jack:
In other words, see “The Shining” when Jack Nicholson goes into Room 237. There’s that hot, naked chick in the tub. Then all of a sudden she goes from being really hot to really scary! Her teeth were gone, her skin was peeling, her voice became hoarse, and the real picture of her I found on Google is too freaky to print here. If she had offered Jack a free iPod, it would have made her one step away from being a MySpace Ho’.
Eerily enough, I have also received requests from women who have profile pictures that look like this, too:
Now that is creepy! Never in my profile did I ever write, “I want a woman who is smart, funny, and who looks like Sailor Moon”. If I saw a woman who looked like this in a club, animated and all, I would haul ass out of the damn club and immediately seek refuge in the Presbyterian Church! On MySpace, I just don’t know what kind of virus she’s packing.
All things considered, the truly legitimate way to date online is on a pay site. You may be shelling out hard earned cash, but far better to find someone with a genuine profile than a Jem look-alike wanting to give you a free Nintendo Wii. Or even better, go out and approach women person to person. Rejection is a fact of life, but your computer will be virus free and you’ll be all the better for not sitting in front of your computer all day.
About the author: Dan is a recent graduate of Colby College who currently resides in Portland, Maine. He currently works for two radio stations, has a side DJ business, and is strongly considering going for a Masters degree in Broadcast Journalism. He loves to write, and has written numerous articles for his college’s newspaper, the Colby Echo, and hosts a weekly hard rock music show, “Raisin’ Hell On Mayflower Hill” on his college’s radio station, WMHB. As of April 2007, that show can be heard every Saturday night at 6 P.M. EST on www.wmhb.org. In his spare time, Dan enjoys reading all sorts of books, swimming, running, watching obscure and somewhat strange movies, listening to all sorts of music, and hanging out with friends. Because his love life is currently D.O.A. and can easily be compared to the Queen song “Somebody To Love”, Dan has plenty to write about on this website.
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May 2nd, 2007 at 11:07 pm
I must have strange (or maybe ordinary) taste in women, but if I was approached by that half-dressed lady in the first photograph I’m afraid I might run for the exit! Pink and battle camouflage just so do not do it for me!
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:38 pm
I like this, because it shows the attractions of the opposite sex.
May 4th, 2007 at 1:56 am
So are you saying I should go to bars half-dressed instead of using a supermodel’s photo on MySpace? OK!
May 4th, 2007 at 4:33 am
This blog offers what it promises: it’s smart, funny and well written. Regards from Spain!
May 4th, 2007 at 10:34 am
What! Loreen is cheating on me! Where did you meet her?
I’m also amused by the number of women just like that that seem to live within a radius of 20 kms and are also looking for romance. What a coincidence.
May 5th, 2007 at 6:01 pm
ermmm , u pic does resemble G.Clooney to certain extent hehehe
May 6th, 2007 at 12:30 am
This one of the best articles that I have ever read..
I get the friend request on my hi5 network which has those types of picture, esp of the celebs .
May 6th, 2007 at 10:49 am
MySpace/Friendster/Facebook all have the same issue with people wanting to just add(spam) us. And it does get annoying sometimes …. i’ll be coming back to see what other funny dating experiences you’ll be writing about.
May 7th, 2007 at 9:56 pm
Very true about myspace…So I turned the tables. I request to be added by only Playboy models and actual models or famous comedians or politicos. At least if I am going to add others, they should be real, even if a publicist did the work!!!! I have my small network of friends and then my famous collage..It works for me.
May 8th, 2007 at 10:19 am
That’s some funny AND true stuff!
I like your style of writing, it has a slight sarcastic humor that is reminicent of Dave Barry.
Good Stuff!
May 10th, 2007 at 9:22 am
I would run a mile!
July 12th, 2007 at 7:13 am
I am a girl and I actually never got into MySpace because I even had creepy bikini girls leaving blingies on my page and then offering me free electronics or cell phone ringtones or something like that.
But what’s the problem with Sailor Moon?
July 17th, 2007 at 2:27 am
Oh, nothing’s wrong with Sailer Moon . . . provided you don’t approach a cartoon character in a club. I mean, this isn’t “Who Framed Roger Rabbit”.
I really have no problem with Sailor Moon. As a matter of fact, I’ve never seen the cartoon before. I’ve just heard about it.
July 17th, 2007 at 9:48 pm
Too bad life was not like Who Framed Roger Rabbit, cause honestly Jessica Rabbit is hot!!! But I know what you mean - it’s a little bizarre to use a cartoon character as your avatar, and if Tuxedo Mask (the boy in Sailor Moon) were to approach me in a bar, I don’t know how I would react.
December 11th, 2007 at 11:31 am
Sad but true. When it is too good to be true, watch out! While reading your article I started laughing so hard. I have had the great mis-fortune of being the re-bound guy. Not once but 3 or 4 times. The only problem was that the woman wanted someone to punish. However I did not change my views on the opposite sex. I was married for 20 years. The first seven years after my split I almost died of exhaustion. Man do I have some funny stories. I call these crazy women, (please excuse the term) “PHYSCO PUSSY”. Dude they are everywhere. Just get you a kevlar sheet for a shield. Drop me a line anytime. I travel a lot and have some good accounts with photos of such. Later partner, watch your back. Baskettcase
December 13th, 2007 at 8:37 am
BILL BLUNT (First Post) IS A HOMO
December 13th, 2007 at 9:46 am
ROFL.. Good points.. It’s sometimes creepier still when the ‘owner’ of the profile is actually a guy. ^_^
December 13th, 2007 at 10:44 pm
I have heard this complaint from many men, I am an attractive woman. Not like the one in the picture, I am a bit more classy and intelligent. The thing is, what is the most common similarities in all of the compliants is that the men say that hot women don’t approach them. I just keep wondering when did the expectation change from men being the ones responsible for the approach. If a man at a club is waiting for me to approach him, he will be waiting a long time. I like a man to come up and speak to me. It proves he isn’t afraid to talk to me, or afraid to put himself out there. Most of the time, I am not available, but I will remember him, and he will know that he put a smile on my face at the least.
December 22nd, 2007 at 7:46 pm
“On MySpace, I just don’t know what kind of virus she’s packing.”
Sorry, but you won’t know in real life either. 25% of all sexually active women have HSV-2 and around 60% have HSV-1.. no way of knowing which have it up top or which have it down below….
Point.. Don’t judge a book by its cover or a girl by her myspace photo.
December 22nd, 2007 at 11:41 pm
Not to mention that up to 80% of people will have HPV in their lifetimes. Since 90% of these infections are asymptomatic, and there is no point of service test for men, how do we know what viruses YOU are packing?
And ever had a cold sore? Yep, that’s herpes. And only 20-40% of folks who have hsv1 will ever get a cold sore. You, my friend, might be packing a virus. *gasp*
Just saying.
March 7th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
I don’t get the MySpace thing either. The only friends invitations I get are from 20-something girls-gone-wild types. Very creepy. My photo is clearly a promotional shot of me wearing a chef’s jacket and my bio states that I’m interested in networking only.
As far as approaching men in bars, I have no problem if he gives me that look. On the other hand, men seem to always be looking for someone “just a little better”.
By the way, I’m gorgeous, smart, have my own money, and have a voice like Kathleen Turner.