The Fifty Worst Pick-Up Lines of All Time
by Ed Attanasio
There are three basic categories within the genre known as the pick-up line. Anyone who has ever tried their hand at this art form knows that certain lines can be more effective than others, depending on the location, atmosphere and attitude of the recipient.
The first type of pick-up line is the direct, no-nonsense approach. Two things can happen with this type of line. If it works, it’s because the person you’re delivering it to respects your truthfulness and sincerity. If it fails, you’re probably being punished for being unoriginal.
The second type of pick-up line is the funny kind. A silly, wacky, cute pick-up line can work if the other party enjoys humor and creativity. A contemporary reference referring to a movie, celebrity, book or TV show illustrates that you’re up on the news and don’t spend all your time in nightclubs and bars. The downside of this type of line is that if the person you’re hitting on doesn’t get the joke or understand the reference, you’re in trouble. Like a standup comic who is bombing, there is little chance of coming back when you’ve initially failed with a pick-up line from this category.
The third group is the witty pick-up line. This is a well-thought out play-on-words that catches the subject by surprise with its thought-provoking nature. This is a good way to go, primarily because it can’t be misconstrued as being offensive or too direct. There’s a very good chance you’ll get an A for effort with the witty line. The only thing that can really go wrong with a line from this category can occur if the person you’re talking to is not too bright and doesn’t understand the line.
Stale, old pickup lines are tortuous, while a well-timed, witty line expertly delivered is magic. The goal of any pick-up line is to get the opportunity to continue the conversation. A failed pick-up line can lead to rejection, chastisement, or in the worst-case scenario, physical abuse. When it comes to a good pick-up line, it’s very similar to a good meal. Presentation is very important to the success of both. Confidence, timing and enthusiasm are all vital components to a winning pick-up line’s delivery. Basically, it’s the opening salvo of a sales pitch. If you can’t get in the door, you can’t make the sale.
Now that I’ve given you my overall theory on pick-up lines, here are the ones that I’ve chosen as the 50 worst. I left off the most horrendous pick-up line ever (What’s Your Sign?), because it’s become so over-used that it’s actually considered retro now and has made an incredible comeback. After countless hours hanging out in singles joints from New York to Honolulu, here are the ones I’ve selected as the 50 worst of all-time:
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1. Just call me milk; I’ll do your body good. |
| 2. Your body’s name must be Visa; because it’s everywhere I want to be. |  |
3. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
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4. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock. |
| 5. I lost my teddy bear… can I sleep with you? |  |
6. Excuse me; do you have your phone number? I’ve seem to have lost mine.
7. I’m new in town — can I have directions to your house?
8. It strange, but you look just like my mother.
9. I can’t find my puppy; can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
10. Hi, I’m a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?
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11. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away. |
12. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald’s, you would be McGorgeous!
13. Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
14. If you’re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
15. I think I’d look good on you.
16. You must be named Jelly, because jam doesn’t shake like that.
17. Was your dad a farmer? Because I’m loving those melons.
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18. Are your legs tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all day. |
19. Are you from Tennessee? ‘Cause you’re the only ten I see!
20. Oh my god, I thought I was gay… then I met you.
21. You look like a girl who has heard every line in the book. So, how bad is one more going to hurt?
22. Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged!
23. One way or another I’m going to make love to you tonight but I’d rather you be there.
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24. Somebody better call God, because He’s missing an angel! |
25. Are you busy tonight around 3 AM?
26. Can I borrow a quarter? I want to call your mother and thank her.
27. Do you have a map? I just keep getting lost in your eyes.
28. Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?
29. I’m new in town. Can you give me the directions to your apartment?
30. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.
| 31. Was your Dad an alien? Because there’s nothing else like you on this planet! |  |
32. Wouldn’t we look cute on a wedding cake together?
33. Your eyes are blue like the ocean and right now I’m lost at sea.
34. Do you know karate? Because your body is really kicking!
35. If you were a laser, you’d be set on stunning.
36. Excuse me, do you have any raisins? No? Well, can I at least have a date?
37. Do you have a Band Aid? I just scrapped my knee falling for you.
| 38. Can you pull this heart-shaped arrow out of my ass? Some little kid with wings just shot me. |  |
39. I just moved you to the top of my “To Do List.”
40. If you don’t want to have kids with me can we at least practice?
41. Were you arrested earlier? It’s got to be illegal to look that good.
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42. Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!! |
43. That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.
44. Your Dad must be a jewel thief, cause he stole two diamonds out of the sky and put them in to your eyes!!
45. I’m fighting the urge to make you the happiest lady on earth tonight.
46. If beauty were an hour, you’d be a second.
47. Do you know that your hair and my pillow are perfectly color coordinated?
48. Are you natually brunette?
49. I hope you know CPR, because you just took my breath away.
| 50. Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package. |  |
About the author: Ed is a 48-year old former standup comic, freelance writer/journalist who likes to blow bubbles and kiss his dogs. Some people have serious problems with that, but does he care? He enjoys his life living in San Francisco and appreciates what he has — a fabulous fiancee, two great mutts, a dedicated shrink and really good prescription medication.
For more of his insane rantings, visit his blog, “Life on the Edge” at: www.edattanasio.blogspot.com
Popularity: 68% [?]
April 1st, 2007 at 12:29 am
These are truly some of the very worst I have seen. Very funny posting. Good stuff! I really enjoyed it.
April 1st, 2007 at 12:30 am
This is very funny. Great article!
April 1st, 2007 at 4:52 pm
One of the funniest psotings I’ve seen on this site, and I’ve been visting this web site since it started. I’ve even heard some of these lines. You really picked the worst ones.
April 3rd, 2007 at 7:55 pm
My favorite one is: “Is that a banana in my pocket or am I just happy to see you?” Works most of the time!
April 4th, 2007 at 11:05 pm
Awesome list. If any broad falls for these, they deserve to be with the jerk who delivered them.
April 5th, 2007 at 5:19 pm
I’ve actually had losers right here in SF try out some of these lines on me. How do guys ever think they’ll get any play whatsoever with these lame come-ons. When will they ever learn? Great article! Very funny!
April 7th, 2007 at 9:19 pm
This article and your blog are some of the funniest things I’ve ever read. Barvo! Bravissimo!
April 11th, 2007 at 3:05 pm
Thanks. I used several of these the other night and SCORED!! What a night. It was like a rodeo in that bedroom. I started out with pickup line #3, then hit her with #11, #17 and #33. I finished off with #50 (my favorite) and that was the closer. I owe you won, Ed. I also visited your blog. LOVED IT!
April 16th, 2007 at 2:50 am
I have 50 more that are just as bad. What is it about guys in SF who think they can get by with these lame come-ons? I give NO PUNANE to punks who have no game and resort to crap like this!
April 17th, 2007 at 3:54 am
You had me crapping my pantolones with some of these mi amigo! Do guys really use these or did you make them up? By the way, I read your blog and made a few comments on a few of the postings. You have a fan now, you loco hombre.
April 20th, 2007 at 2:29 am
Guys with no game come at me with no name and end up looking real lame, which is a goddamn shame and causes me great pain. I wish they would refrain!
April 21st, 2007 at 9:01 pm
Some of these are so lame they might just work. I’ll try them out on my wife and see.
April 25th, 2007 at 10:48 pm
HA HA HA!! I’ve seen the worst, and these are the best of the worst. Any man who would use on of these deserves to be rejected!
April 29th, 2007 at 12:19 am
I use these and they work. They don’t call me The Virgin Slayer for nothing!
May 6th, 2007 at 3:15 am
Hysterical!! Sadly, several of these have been used on me. Some are more successful than others. Thanks for the laughs!
Here via the humor carnival.
May 6th, 2007 at 10:22 pm
Came over via bobbarama’s … I don’t know why, while I was reading these, all I could picture was some smarmy guy in a polyester leisure suit holding a bottle of beer! Funny stuff!
May 7th, 2007 at 12:59 am
I came here via Ed’s blog at blogspot. I was curious to see how many of these I’ve actually heard at clubs in my hometown of Phoenix. Not many. These are too cute and inventive for guys in Phoenix. Where I live, men just try to get you drunk and f— you. If that doesn’t work, they try roofies!
May 8th, 2007 at 6:15 am
see! These are the kind of things us gay guys miss out on!
May 9th, 2007 at 3:22 am
These are funny as hell. I like the ones that are cute and corny as opposed to naughty or nasty.
May 15th, 2007 at 3:03 pm
These are absolutely hilarious. I have seen pickup lines, but this is the most comprehensive grouping I’ve found yet!
May 16th, 2007 at 10:38 pm
The best pickup line ever:
“Hi”.
May 21st, 2007 at 9:37 pm
Haha….this is a very funny article! Nice post!
May 29th, 2007 at 3:27 pm
Niiiice. Cutting edge and really timely.
June 1st, 2007 at 8:09 pm
You did it again, you funny SOB!
June 4th, 2007 at 4:16 am
Very funny… I laughed too hard !
June 10th, 2007 at 6:32 am
Carnival of Humor Issue 6
I know what you’re thinking: “He’s a day late with the goods!” (And you thought I wasn’t prescient.)
Well, I suppose that depends on how you look at life. Looking at it your way — conventionally — yes, I’…
June 14th, 2007 at 5:07 pm
last night some guy told me he would pick corn out of my shit to have sex with me.
yeah… i think that is the worst pick-up line i’ve ever heard!
June 15th, 2007 at 9:32 am
I actually had a few fillies lay these lines on me. It’s not just the guys who are trying out some of these doozies!
June 15th, 2007 at 8:37 pm
Do women actually fall for these? I guess if a babe is drunk and hot to trot, almost anything can work…
June 17th, 2007 at 7:49 pm
This is the best compilation of one-liners I’ve ever seen. I am very happy to say that none of them have ever been used on me.
June 19th, 2007 at 1:02 am
I’m a porn star, so I hear these all the time. The bottom line is whose mouth the pickup line is coming out of. If the guy’s ug-mo, it doesn’t matter how great or witty his remarks are. If the man is gorgeous, he doesn’t even have to speak.
June 19th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
Hello! Good Site! Thanks you!
June 23rd, 2007 at 12:55 pm
I love these. I searched for bad pickup lines because the good ones just aren’t working for me. I found a couple postings on the topic, but this one was by far the best! A great collection!
June 26th, 2007 at 2:16 am
These are funny! I’ve never had the nerve to use a pickup line…
June 27th, 2007 at 5:03 pm
These aren’t real. Who uses these lines? Really? I don’t believe it.
June 27th, 2007 at 8:54 pm
Guys with no game have to use lines like this. Good-looking men with personality don’t need to say anything at all.
June 29th, 2007 at 11:13 pm
Hey everybody. Thanks for commenting and making my article the most popular one on this blog. Some of these lines might sound lame (which they are), but you have to give credit to whomever uses them. Trying to strike up a conversation with someone you don’t know is extremely tough. Rejection is so cold. So, if any of these pickup lines help an indivudal get his/her foot through the door — more power to them. Maybe my next article should be “The 50 Best Follow-Up Lines.” Those are the ones that really matter. I’d like to hear from any ladies who have used any of these lines. Women are picking up on men more than ever nowadays, and I think it’s great! Keep looking out for my next article. I hope you like this blog as much as I do!
June 30th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
I loved your older men/younger women posting, so I had to check this one out. Some of these are really funny. Men have attempted some of these on me in the past and I like it when they do, but I don’t like it when they say nasty or sexually suggestive things. As long as they act like gentlemen, I will at least give them the benefit of the doubt and talk to them.
July 4th, 2007 at 12:31 am
After reading your posting about why young gals should date old men, I just felt like I had to read this one. Hi-lar-i-ous!! Some of these almost had me peeing my panties.
July 4th, 2007 at 6:14 pm
I especially like numbers 31, 36, 44 and 48.
July 5th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
In my coutrry, men no use pikup lines. Evrythuing is done with the eyes. There is noo speking ever.
July 5th, 2007 at 7:41 pm
I went to read this one ’cause I saw your first articdle on young chicks and I liked it. This one is lame.
July 6th, 2007 at 7:15 pm
The best pickup line in the world is a big smile. It works on me almost every time.
July 8th, 2007 at 3:36 am
This is funny, man. You hit it all rite on the head with yo inprentriable style and finesse. I don’t use pickup lines. Don’t need to. I close the deal at “hello.” I don’t try to impress women with my manliness like some guys do. When I enter a room, I leaves my macho strut at the door.
July 11th, 2007 at 4:19 am
You sound like a real suave fellow, Robert. What’s your secret? Maybe you should hook up with Taki. She likes guys who don’t say a word and do all the talking with their eyes.
July 16th, 2007 at 9:29 pm
Great stuff. I’ve never used any of these, but you can be sure that I will now!
July 18th, 2007 at 1:26 am
I have heard a few of these, but some are so creative and funny that I figure guys aren’t smart enough to use them.
July 18th, 2007 at 3:21 am
These are awesome. I plan on using a few of these, especially #21, #28 and #45!
July 19th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
this site will send you a new pick up line everyday to your cell phone! All you need to give them is your cell number and carrier. And its totally free! http://mobile.ocpost.com/#
July 20th, 2007 at 10:03 pm
I like #4, #11, #16, #27 and #34. These are priceless. I laughed and laughed!
July 26th, 2007 at 5:55 pm
Guys are pigs if they use these lines. How dumb do we think women are?
August 1st, 2007 at 12:55 am
These show a real creative zeal and a spin on the whole approach to the pickup game. I particularly like the witty “Play on words” lines.
August 9th, 2007 at 3:18 pm
I would never go home with a guy based on any of these lines. “Hello” works just fine for me, thanks.
August 10th, 2007 at 12:13 am
Maybe I can write a future article of the Top 50 Most Effective Pick-up Lines. It sounds like Hello would be right up there at the top.
August 12th, 2007 at 11:27 pm
Ha ha Ha ha Ha ha ha. The sad fact is that I’ve used some of these.
August 18th, 2007 at 9:49 pm
wow some of these i nvr heard before and some are really lame
but some of them are good
there are some worse ones like
are those space pants?? cause you ass is out f this world!
are you a parking ticket because youve got fine written all over you
those are gay
August 21st, 2007 at 6:43 pm
Some of these lines rock. I especially like the UPS line!
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:46 am
Bears don’t use lines like these. We just go after the guy we want!
August 24th, 2007 at 10:42 pm
Thank you for your site. I have found here much useful information.
Good site !
August 27th, 2007 at 8:05 am
You want bad pickup lines? I’ll show you some bad pickup lines:
http://www.voont.com/pickup
For example, for an older man or woman use:
“Hey, you wanna go out some time? Oh wait never mind, I didn’t notice you were 106 years old, drop dead you worthless old freak.”
Wow.
September 12th, 2007 at 11:33 pm
Hello, nice post. Bookmark it.
October 5th, 2007 at 3:16 pm
hahaha lame
October 11th, 2007 at 7:52 pm
LOL some of these are so lame!
October 21st, 2007 at 7:20 am
U like it? That;s cool. Cum get it!
October 22nd, 2007 at 11:16 pm
Thanks..I needed a good read and a good laugh!!
December 17th, 2007 at 9:19 pm
I don’t like your post title. ‘Worst of All Time’?! How do you know? Lived too long?
I had worse than those and I am much younger! Actually, there are few good ones on the list.
December 19th, 2007 at 2:02 am
Hey anonymous: Worst of All Time is a figure of speech. Iz u retarded? Wot a stoopid queastion. If yo cant read stay off the site, a-hile!
December 20th, 2007 at 8:06 pm
What a moron you are Johnnnny.
December 27th, 2007 at 2:41 am
Hey, “im on wid my left hand”, keep yur commentz to yo self…punk!
January 9th, 2008 at 4:02 am
Wait … Have we already come to the conclusion that pick uplines are useless and really don’t work? LoL some of these are classic and some are these are so bad, i actually would start feeling sorry for the guy and feel obliged to at least talk to him for the next 5 seconds before i make up my mind about him.
But i guess, hey if some of these break the ice and get a chick to laugh .. then why not?! LoL I guess a simple “Hi how are you going?” isnt out of the question either. Just so you guys know .. that is the best pickup line ever
Cheers
January 26th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
haha hoho yah yah pick up hot chick .. ya ya..
like beavis and butthead ..lol
can imagine them now!
but u know come to think of it some of these lines may work depending on context of the situation…
will practice and hope that timing comes down.. hehe..
this so hilarious … got to try on some finger licking mcbabes!
January 27th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Absolutely hilarious…thanks!
I bet no Irish girls would fall for that sort of nonsense…!
February 2nd, 2008 at 12:08 am
I am laughing out loud and rolling on the floor as we speak. I called my dad and little brother to read with me. My mom didn’t knew what’s going on when she heard us all laughing like this.
February 7th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
I agree, they’re pretty bad!
February 12th, 2008 at 4:50 am
haha…i’ve had a quick look at the first 10, but bad as they are, people with enough confidence and who like to tease gals can prolly ‘pick-up’ successfully with these lines
no, i’m serious. you can. if you think u can, u can.
-noitcartta
February 19th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
[…] The 15 Minute Dating Blog […]
April 14th, 2008 at 6:07 am
your histerical really how do u think of these things..for reallllllz
May 9th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Brilliant stuff! Really funny!
June 12th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
When I saw it I loved it. Great piece!
June 20th, 2008 at 11:53 am
Nice set of worst pick-up lines. But I guess most of them rarely use the above lines. But you never know, some people might be using it to, just to act different.
July 5th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
Here’s some more I’ve heard that are TRULY used…I would never have thought of these on my own…men are so dumb sometimes.
1. Are you sick?! Let me be your medicine.
2. Did you know you are my fantasy?–A truly creepy 45 year old told me that.
3. After being hit on by a 75 year old I stated “no offense…you’re old enough to be my grandfather” He replied, “Trust Mouiii…I’m better than your grandpa.”
I have a whole list of them on my blog.
July 14th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
Pssshhh, stupid pick up lines are the best, but only if the guy behind them is a keeper.
My favorite of these is #12: “If you were a new hamburger at McDonald’s, you would be McGorgeous!”
But “If I followed you home, would you keep me?” is pretty good, too =P
July 26th, 2008 at 4:20 am
do you work at subway? cause you just gave me a foot long.
September 10th, 2008 at 2:48 am
My favorite one is, “Hey, that’s MY gerbil!”